Sleep Paralysis

Carl Miller

Active Member
Messages
980
@Miscellaneous

Yes, I remember posting about my 'take' on this naughty GA of yours. In my opinion it must belong to elemental realm just like an etherical pet you got in a weird wtf ing way (wtf-whatever the form it may be).
i go on sticking to the mentioned take, Miscellaneous. I got to that conclusion from my late wife's experiences with the elementals, although i have never been so much fond of elementals myself. So much so , unlike my three daughters, who are crazy about pets and just love creating tales about them. So was my late wife. And in the light of this she automatically got in contact to the GAs of her cats, she adores cats.
i say it in the presente tense cause wherever she lives upon the astral sphere, there must be many cats and dozens of other pets and she will be fondling their little heads there, for sure.

What i wish to make clear, Miscellaneous, is that what makes the method of Sleep Paralysis reliable is because it serves as a portal to more down to Earth experiences. Through clairaudience you can hear what your friends are thinking about and you can check it out later.
Now i lecture an invisible audience besides you and perhaps someone else coming across this thread in the future, who can tell?
Gonna give you an example so that i can provide Strong and palpable evidence to what i just posted. I like to stick to practicalities.
Once i went to bed after meal just like i often do, and many do like i do, taking a little nap after lunch.
I had reached the so called hypnagogic state when you are in that intermediate state between the awakening state and half asleep. Then, someone else induced a sleep paralysis in me.
Please, pay attention to this. This is important. Sleep paralysis can be induced in another person by a Strong willpower of someone versed in the art of cerimonial magic.

i knew someone had intruded into my system and i psyched it was my Guide from the spiritual center. Why i knew it was him? because i was used to his communications, i was familiar to his vibration.
What is it? said i and he replied= "How i would like to beat Mr. Z!!!'
'Why would you do it, Master?'
'i can not 'swallow' what he did to the child!!!'

So, i heard a hard noise almost unbearable to stand. And soon i had left the Sleep Paralysis and was sitting on the bed side.
i said to myself= 'WTF!!!' =What the Funny.

Much later on in the 'twilight'- old artistic way in saying -the first part of the night, i went to the spiritual craft hosted by the Guide, a confusing mixture of medicine man and sourcerer, and after the meeing was over i went to talk to him.

'Master, you must remember having told me about the nuisance which is pricking you like hell'- i started uncerimoniously.
'Sure', he replied sadly.
'What do you mean by having a Strong wish to beat the guy?' i asked.
'This guy is an old man who beat his grandson so much, to the extent of sending the boy to the hospital'. He answered in a bitter mood.
'And then, did you hit him?'
'I could not , Carl, ....if i had done i could have killed him... an etherical wound cannot be healed...and i would be obliged to leave the spiritual craft forever....'

From the above mentioned, Miscellaneous, understand that the Sleep Paralysis is much more than people usually suppose it is. By the way if i was not so open-mouthed the knowledge would remain stuck inside encyclopedic books full of dust, hidden inside some mysterious drawer in a certain esoteric society.

The doorway into clairvoyance, clairaudience, remote viewing, telepathic hypnotism, remote induction, etc...

In fact i have dozens, and even thousands of experiences to tell. But ,of course, this is more than a website can handle, besides it is material lengthy enough to dump a great number of books. And writing books is not my way. I am almost retired and i would not like to be disturbed.
Besides, there has been so much trash written lately, that among the people who would purchase my books would be only my old mother and Family folks including some friends who would never disappoint me.
 
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Miscellaneous

Active Member
Messages
609
Carl Miller' said:
Yes, I remember posting about my 'take' on this naughty GA of yours. In my opinion it must belong to elemental realm just like an etherical pet you got in a weird wtf ing way (wtf-whatever the form it may be).
I call him "Aiden." I first mistaken it as my GA. So I stuck with calling it "Aiden." Btw I didn't read the book you recommended 'cause I don't have the time and stuff. I think it's an air elemental. Like I said, it's fast as the speed of light and it works simultaenously at the same time. I agree on the naughty part. Sometimes I think it is so bold like it doesn't really care much if it pokes me (part of it's healing) in some uncomfortable areas. This is why I hate taking a shit :oops: Other than it being stubborn (it does make some changes in healing me such as it lessened it being forceful in trying to move my head here or there. It is strong as hell [it fought off a demon once and the next day it still continued to heal me but I noticed that it's pace was slower than before. Sometimes, I admire its stubborness and passion]).

What i wish to make clear, Miscellaneous, is that what makes the method of Sleep Paralysis reliable
If you finally go out of body, what then? I mean my sisters said that they tried OBE once and one of them said that she didn't know what else to do and just looked around the house.

because it serves as a portal to more down to Earth experiences.
How dangerous is the Astral when you go in unprepared. Do you have to be prepared? If so, in what way and how?

Carl... one very thing that I hesitate to go OBE is the aliens. Idk why they're there. Idk WTF I did for them to breath down my back. I onced thought that I wanted to meet them back when I was naive and had no clue about the malevolent and benevolent aliens. I suddenly heared a somewhat deep (perhaps scary but I didn't think of it much then) voice (that I thought was just me talking to myself) if I really wanted to. And I said, 'Yes.' And after that, I prayed to my GA that it'll protect me. Just in case. I was neurotic even back then. You get the picture. I got the implants. Even on my feet. yada yada the usual stuff you hear in supposed real life cases of abductions. I thought maybe it's some dude from the past that the naive little me tried to help (who was always being screwed with malevolent aliens. Him and his mother). But it's still all assumptions. In summary, when I close my eyes, I see many many eyes looking back at me. Small and big. Some slightly differentt. Most look the same. I think they're 'ships' because they're not a pair of eyes. It's like either one of them can move at light speed, so much so that even if I open my eyes, I sometimes can see something whitish flashing and when the glaring sun goes to my eyes, these "eye ships" glint back and for a moment, I can see them again. I said a moment, because ever since they found out that I can see them no matter how much they try to 'blend in' the background (they spy on my mind even up to this day). Every time I go to sleep- you know those colorful things that suddenly appears when you're dozing off before going to dreamland? I actually found out that ever since I saw those "eye-looking ships" those colorful things (I call it aura just to term it) actually 'hurts' the "eye-looking ships." It's like you aura- when you realized there's an enemy or something/one uninvited into your space, it acts like some kind of defense mechanism. It's kinda hard to sleep seeing them look back at you especially when your colorful auras comes out. It was very odd. The "eye-looking" ships were wide-eyed as they were surrounded by my aura. It was like they felt pain- which I consider odd because I think they're a technology of some kind that is used to spy on other people's minds. After a while, they developed something that sends off waves that pushes my auras away (which I find annoying and ugly as I don't like seeing my aura's patterns disrupted) and the "eye-looking ships" seems more resistant to my auras so even if they can blast away all of my auras, they don't seem to make those wide-eyed looks.

When I kept sharing my experiences about it, these same ETs would make me dizzy. I think they're trying to hypnotize me. Most times, I would know they're trying to do that because it makes my body feel weird so I tell them to stop. Sometimes, they slightly lower the 'hypnotism' so I would notice it later or would mistake it as a dizzy spell but I would later find out anyway. One worst time was a mixture of that hypnotic (which btw feels like my body is getting sick when that happens) feeling and weird-assed imagery. Or something like that. It started when I was sleeping one early morning. My dream suddenly got interrupted and I saw my auras as well as the "eye-looking" ships. I suddenly got a sleep paralysis and suddenly the "eye-looking" ships looked distorted, those ships spinning around in circles here and there etc and that same feeling when they're trying to hypnotize me. Let's just say, sleep paralysis is a bitch and they made it worse. Usually they do it a few days later as if these ETs can see the future so I'll never know exactly when I spilled my experiences to someone. Right now, as I type this, there hasn't been any.... activities.

It was in the half or late of 2015 that I spiralled down because of those ETs. I had my own problems and they made it count as if I needed more problems. I seethed to myself and hated them. I'm pretty sure they hate me back too for whatever reason. I still do. So when I was seething about them as always during class hours, I've tried endlessly to summon some higher entity- idk wtf I expected until one day, I suddenly got this feeling that I can't describe because it was like a long time ago, I got this nagging feeling that silently told me to command them specifically and tell them to stop. Which I did. It was then that the ETs stopped trying to hypnotize me when I told them to (or when I find out they're doing it) and the like. They still won't leave even though I tell them to. It's probably the no. 1 thing they'll never do. It was a long shot :( I still don't know what that feeling was. But maybe it was my higher self???? Idk.

I think their activities are not as active as before unless stalking my mind still counts as an activity until now. They also put dirty thoughts in my mind..... I told it to shut up because robots don't make out........... What? I think they're technology anyway.:p

A little after that, I started hating my GA. Piece my story together and guess why because I really don't want to say it myself. So yeah, that's basically it.

Why am I afraid of OBEs?
Because one time (I think it was them anyway) those same aliens tried to tug my soul off my body with a mixture of hypnotism. They wouldn't fucking stop even when I told them to repeatedly. Sometimes, I swear they ignore me or pretend to be busy by blasting my auras away, pretending they didn't hear a single word I say :mad: The sickening feeling and the tugging on my chest wouldn't stop so I had to force myself to sleep until the tugging and the feeling stopped the next day. Idk wtf they were planning to do.

When I have a sleep paralysis, I feel these fuzzy-like feeling all over me including my head. Sometimes, I'm so sleepy that I forget that I'm in a sleep paralysis but I keep snapping back to consciousness because the fuzzy-feeling is disturbing my sleep. I noticed that my sleep paralysis usually works when I'm sleeping on my right side for too long until my right arm hurts or when I'm lying down on my stomach on my right side which I find kind of odd because since I was a kid, I kept sleeping on my right side, usually on my stomach and I never had a sleep paralysis doing that until a few years ago up to this day. And yes, this is a block of text that's so damn long. Ok my story-telling is over. I wanted to edit my previous post but I guess I can only do that on mobile unless there's a time limit to that like you can't edit a day old post :(
 

Miscellaneous

Active Member
Messages
609
The ETs didn't do a single sh!t like they usually do ahead of time (a few days usually) because I shared my experiences which is a first unless my lazy assed GA finally did something right or unless I overlooked wtf they did that was probably done ahead of time. (Seriously, doing sh*t ahead of time is probably the vaguest way for them to slightly change the future).

Oh, I forgot to add. In the early morning of school, I looked up at the glaring sun and closed my eyes just to see the ships glinting back at me. I usually can still see them without looking at the sunlight but since they're *'blended' and it was dark in my school, I didn't see them much unless any of them moves. But I noticed that all the ships were going around together like troops of soldiers marching around. I was sort of curious and amused. I don't know if they still do this or if they do it every morning but I guess I'm not the only one with a schedule. Also, when I'm about to sleep to dreamland and right before my auras appear, one of the ships- that looks like the leader out of all of them sends bright flashes (but not too bright) like it's sending morse code (sarcasm) and I think it's a signal to the rest of them that the 'Auras are coming!'

Edit: *blended = Let me ellaborate a bit. When you close your eyes in a bright light, you see the back of your eyelids or something like that. It's colored around red, light red etc or something like that right? Well, those ships 'blend in' using colors like they made themselves... clolorful and position themselves in specific areas to 'fit' the right colors. Did I make sense?
 
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Carl Miller

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Messages
980
I think they're a technology of some kind that is used to spy on other people's minds. After a while, they developed something that sends off waves that pushes my auras away (which I find annoying and ugly as I don't like seeing my aura's patterns disrupted) and the "eye-looking ships" seems more resistant to my auras so even if they can blast away all of my auras, they don't seem to make those wide-eyed looks.


Some would dispatch it as paranoia. But dismissing it so fast, disparaging someone who makes these statements indicates a mind that still is reluctant to abandom his comfort zones of thinking.
Unlike the orthodox thinking i am certain that the borderline between the reasonable feeling to be watched and a serious mental illness that causes you to falsely believe that other people are trying to harm you is still uncharted clearly or still undefined.
By thinking outside the box i tend to give credit to some apparent types of random bouts of 'paranoia'.
You know that during cold war which started immediately after World War II with the ongoing tests of nuclear weapons the Extraterrestrial Community decided to take over the Earth.
This is what exopolitics is all about. If we give credit to this, following this line of thought, we will soon reach the conclusion that we are being watched by ET eyes. It makes all the difference.
Most people take things in a matter of fact way.

Haven't you notice how we just love competition, that we just don't seem likely to appreciate something away from conflicts and confusion? Haven't you noticed how we cherish soapoperas, parades, fights, games, war rumors, debates how we cincumscribe our tiny piece of land where we rule absolutely-don't we just do like the apes that scatter their dejects around to mark their territory-how we are likely to get out of control whenever we meet any confusion-how we just abhor a neutral state of mind that we call it monotonous, a dull routine? We just adore drama, confusion, contradiction and the world reflects what we are inside-

Now tell me what role Hollywood has played in feeding all these scenarios. Who is behind Hollywood? Who is profitting from the state of confusion humanity is into? If you will not reply, the bankers, the brokers i will begin to doubt you have some problem.

Taking all of the above mentioned into consideration, that we were left to the trash by our authorities, the ET community had no other alternative other than take control. What sensitive people claim to feel as the result of ET surveillance 'are outworldly energies that sends off waves and pushes auras', in other words, we feel the impact of a foreign vibration and we end up feeling as if someone, outside the box, is watching us. And we are not deceiving ourselves thinking this way.

But let's not confuse things. Your elemental joyous GA has nothing to do to that.

Those wide eyed, who became a general reference of ETs. Those who would have come from the binary system of Zeta Reticuli, commonly associated with the Barney and Betty Hill abduction claim which took place in 1961 about which i frankly take it as a hoax. Well they serve as a mere Metaphor for what we do not know about the ET community which acts on the backstage.
I have already had contact to the ET surveillance apparatuses and how they probe us from 'above'. How they employ cyber beings to track people.
 
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Miscellaneous

Active Member
Messages
609
I think they're a technology of some kind that is used to spy on other people's minds. After a while, they developed something that sends off waves that pushes my auras away (which I find annoying and ugly as I don't like seeing my aura's patterns disrupted) and the "eye-looking ships" seems more resistant to my auras so even if they can blast away all of my auras, they don't seem to make those wide-eyed looks.


Some would dispatch it as paranoia. But dismissing it so fast, disparaging someone who makes these statements indicates a mind that still is reluctant to abandom his comfort zones of thinking.
Unlike the orthodox thinking i am certain that the borderline between the reasonable feeling to be watched and a serious mental illness that causes you to falsely believe that other people are trying to harm you is still uncharted clearly or still undefined.
By thinking outside the box i tend to give credit to some apparent types of random bouts of 'paranoia'.
You know that during cold war which started immediately after World War II with the ongoing tests of nuclear weapons the Extraterrestrial Community decided to take over the Earth.
This is what exopolitics is all about. If we give credit to this, following this line of thought, we will soon reach the conclusion that we are being watched by ET eyes. It makes all the difference.
Most people take things in a matter of fact way.

Haven't you notice how we just love competition, that we just don't seem likely to appreciate something away from conflicts and confusion? Haven't you noticed how we cherish soapoperas, parades, fights, games, war rumors, debates how we cincumscribe our tiny piece of land where we rule absolutely-don't we just do like the apes that scatter their dejects around to mark their territory-how we are likely to get out of control whenever we meet any confusion-how we just abhor a neutral state of mind that we call it monotonous, a dull routine? We just adore drama, confusion, contradiction and the world reflects what we are inside-

Now tell me what role Hollywood has played in feeding all these scenarios. Who is behind Hollywood? Who is profitting from the state of confusion humanity is into? If you will not reply, the bankers, the brokers i will begin to doubt you have some problem.

Taking all of the above mentioned into consideration, that we were left to the trash by our authorities, the ET community had no other alternative other than take control. What sensitive people claim to feel as the result of ET surveillance 'are outworldly energies that sends off waves and pushes auras', in other words, we feel the impact of a foreign vibration and we end up feeling as if someone, outside the box, is watching us. And we are not deceiving ourselves thinking this way.

But let's not confuse things. Your elemental joyous GA has nothing to do to that.

Those wide eyed, who became a general reference of ETs. Those who would have come from the binary system of Zeta Reticuli, commonly associated with the Barney and Betty Hill abduction claim which took place in 1961 about which i frankly take it as a hoax. Well they serve as a mere Metaphor for what we do not know about the ET community which acts on the backstage.
I have already had contact to the ET surveillance apparatuses and how they probe us from 'above'. How they employ cyber beings to track people.
Uh... What?

So you're telling me, all ETs regardless of benevolent and malevolent ones are a bunch of stalkers and jerks who thinks that controlling the world is the only way?

My distrust for ETs has never been this strong. And this is why a lot of people will panic and have mass paranoia if these kinds of things are disclosed.
 
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Miscellaneous

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Messages
609
Also of course I know it has nothing to do with my elemental friend with me. When I say, "ET" I usually mean the extraterrestrials
 

Carl Miller

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980
:LOL:Your GA only wishes to take the role of a personal trainer. It assumed this mentality by watching those Alpha male athlets jerking up and down those heavy dumbbells at the backyar of an Academy somewhere before being entitled to be your personal assistant.
 

Miscellaneous

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Messages
609
:LOL:Your GA only wishes to take the role of a personal trainer. It assumed this mentality by watching those Alpha male athlets jerking up and down those heavy dumbbells at the backyar of an Academy somewhere before being entitled to be your personal assistant.
Wtf Carl! :ROFLMAO: Idk how to feel... I'm a bit surprised but kinda smiled at the same time and then felt like smashing you out of playful banter partly cuz I don't wanna offend it. Sometimes I don't know if you're serious or not, Carl :rolleyes: My real GA or elemental GA?

I think you're talking about my elemental GA. Pls tell me it's the elemental one, not the real one cuz I think my real GA is more into Science (he asked me something about DNA I think and I remembered that I sarcastically told it, "Hyperbolics DNA" in a lucid dream which didn't make sense to me in waking life).
 
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Carl Miller

Active Member
Messages
980
:LOL:Your GA only wishes to take the role of a personal trainer. It assumed this mentality by watching those Alpha male athlets jerking up and down those heavy dumbbells at the backyar of an Academy somewhere before being entitled to be your personal assistant.
Wtf Carl! :ROFLMAO: Idk how to feel... I'm a bit surprised but kinda smiled at the same time and then felt like smashing you out of playful banter partly cuz I don't wanna offend it. Sometimes I don't know if you're serious or not, Carl :rolleyes: My real GA or elemental GA?

I think you're talking about my elemental GA. Pls tell me it's the elemental one, not the real one cuz I think my real GA is more into Science (he asked me something about DNA I think and I remembered that I sarcastically told it, "Hyperbolics DNA" in a lucid dream which didn't make sense to me in waking life).

I am going to explain to you about my interest in guardian angels.
It all began when i first kept contact to Silva Mind Control- a week seminar on teaching ESP.

And Mr Silva, creator of the method, invented the "laboratory exercise"- in the latter attendees were supposed to create their own mental tools for healing purposes.
In this laboratory he also teach how to create spiritual counselors to help the individual with their advices. Understand that this is also another mental tool, a product of the imagination (the mind).
It is a very interesting exercise and very useful.

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The laboratory and counselors were not for "conditioning your mind, they were a tool to help people get started with subjective communication - ESP.
The lab and counselors were tools to help people get used to the idea
of communicating subjectively - using your natural God-given ESP. Now, most
people believe in ESP and recognize the value of it, so we just communicate
directly.

The lab counselors don't give you the ability to communicate
subjectively. You develop that by going through our mental projection
exercises in order to learn how to use your right-brain hemisphere for
thinking.
Since, Miscellaneous, i have for some time dealt with creating those artificial spiritual counselors, part of their influence and all relating to them got branded in my mind. For having been helpful to me on various occasions i recognize their value.

What rang a bell was that my GA, created by me through the help of Mind Control Method, also seemed to over estimate himself. I could not understand why he would be swimming or fishing on a calm lake as i looked for him. He was supposed to be meditating or praying cause i had placed him inside a Greek Temple and he wore a long gown or whatever...lol...i dont know how to call those clothes.
After being reprimanded he soon assumed his GA posturING and would leave the fishing stuff aside and went running to my lab for his assignments.
It all may sound joking or crazy like thing. But dealing with artificial GAs help us leaving the objective mind behind, this helps ESP.
How i see things, Miscellaneous, a joking mind enables ESP. A serious minded person, those who often adopt a military face, those assuming airs of 'respectable' type of people will have a harder time learning ESP. ESP likes joking and some fooling around because it belongs to the right part of the brain closer to imagination and dreaming land.
 

Miscellaneous

Active Member
Messages
609
Lately I've been having sleep paralysis. Something I don't want. First time was when I couldn't sleep until it was 12 AM and my body was very tired which was probably what triggered the sleep paralysis and I made it halfway out of my body before my spirit slowly slipped back and my sleep paralysis faded off. This early morning, I had another one. Something that I didn't like either. But first I dreamed that I was walking with a man (who I never always see it's face like every other person that's with me in my dreams) and he appeared far away and I was a man in this dream and somehow I was with a bunch of men that were holding guns and while I looked at the man that was far from me, I got the sense of betrayal like he just left me there with the men with guns. The men threatened to aim their guns at him if the man from afar went close so the man just stood there. The male me was shoved into a black car and my hands were handcuffed. The scene change and I was running away from the men with guns and there was one man who was with the men with guns that ran awfully close to me and despite the fact that we were at arm's width, he threw a grenade at me and for some reason I it caught with my right hand and everything went slowmotion as it went off in my hand and that triggered the out of body.

I hear what Carl would call 'vibrations' but this went on and off like a slow hum. Like a vibration that fazed on and off. Think of a sound that goes on slowly but then stops for a while and repeat. I don't know yet what my GA vibrations is like since this is my second time not resisting sleep paralysis (and fortunately a failed one) I don't know if it was me who was going out of my body of my own will (also happened just like the first experience I said above) because it seemed so easy to slip off my body (when the dream bomb went off it felt like I was being pushed back so that must be why) but then I get 'stuck' halfway off my body and I find it hard to get off completely at that point. I was slightly hesitating.

I had doubts because I have a deep hatred and distrust with those malevolent ETs with their eye-looking ships that I knew was there watching me 24/7 (you'll get used to it) and I knew that they can abduct you non physically. ETs aren't usually physical, despite all the abduction stories you hear and I know they won't last long in the physical plane since they have to manifest which also takes time so much so that you'll be tricked that they're physical but they're not and frankly, I would rather not risk being abducted non physically again.

But then I remembered my sister said that she had OBE once and it was boring because she just looked around the house and didn't know what else to do and she saw no one. That's why she's doubting if guides exist. So I thought, if she can do it and went back safely, why not? So I tried getting off my body but ofc as always halfway through it, I got 'stuck' like I just can't go out further. So I hesitated again.

So I immediately thought of my GA, imagining that I 'connected my mind with It's own' and told it to protect me if ever or if I go out of body fully but then I heard a voice (that sounded like me) say, 'Don't! Don't!'

Now that got me even more doubtful so I decided to ditch the out of body and tried to wake myself up. As soon as I though of that another voice (that sounded like me) yelled, 'Nooo!!'

I know the brain fools itself but sometimes I have second thoughts because I would never know if it was the ETs fooling me or if it was really just me because I started moving my hand and I really thought that I was able to move my hand yet was slightly confused why the vibrations were not slowly shutting up so I knew that it wasn't real. In reality I was still have a sleep paralysis. So I suddenly thought of calling out my sister (who was sleeping besides me but at that time I forgot I was facing the wall) and my dream immediately poofed up my sister's figure lying beside me except there was a white slightly seethrough white wall and that I can only see my sister's arm through it. I tried calling her to wake me up. I thought I was really calling out to her but yet again my dream fooled me. I kept yelling, 'Why won't you move!? Wake me up! Wake me up! Wake me up!!" The sleep paralysis finally but slowly dissipated and snapped out of my dream. I don't trust GA but even more so with the ETs so I don't really know who was speaking using my voice (I prefer if they use their own voice seriously. It makes me less confused like which one is talking). I dont want OBE, astral or sleep paralysis. I was also more worried about what the dream-induced sleep paralysis mean. I was more worried about it before my sleep paralysis happened because I know dreams use symbolism and I'm worried what those gun men represent especially how they threw a grenade at me and shoved me into their car (even tho it wasn't real) I didn't like how that dream forced and tricked me to slip out of my body. I'm sure if it was my 'GA calling me (like how yours do Carl)' it wouldn't trigger a violent dream. I'm actually worried that the gunmen represented the ETs. After all that I decided that if I have no good reason to go out of body, then I'll stay in my body but at the same time I don't want to resist sleep paralysis because I know how you could hear or see something that isn't there and I know it'll keep coming back right after I go back to sleep again :(

I just want to know what happened and why. :( I came back to paranormalis to look for answers though I usually prefer to find my answer through you, @Carl Miller because I know that you know about many things that most people don't and even though you didn't answer my questions, I only know you about things like this. This is sort of emberassing.
 
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