The Enscription of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

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1:1-Thou shalt not Grill Mustard.
1:2-Thou shalt not Smoke Rye.
1:3-Thou shalt not Heat Chicken Tenders.
1:4-Thou shal not devour Ramen with Tomato.
1:5-Thou Shalt not throw Pizza into the air without Squid Ink for Sauce.
1:6-Thou Shalt not apply Salt to open Wounds.
1:7-Thou Shalt not Kill Fake Believers.
1:8-Thou Shalt not Equate Belief with Logic, as those that shall will be Revered only by Believers, Opposed by those of Logic.
1.9-Thou Shalt not Wear fabric of the Elephant.
2.0-Thou Shall Commit these verses within Thus Enscription to Memory by Repetition, this is not brainwashing.
2.1-Thou that shall follow these this Escription to the Letter shall have One wish Granted and thus be made Holy.

 

[owlcool]

The Enscription of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Gnocchi
1.1-The Flying Spaghetti Monster is Eternal. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the Universe.
1.2-The Flying Spaghetti Monster saw that she had room in the Pan to grow. And thus, Started the Big Expansion.
1.3-The Big Expansion started and has thus received Sauces.
1.31-The first sauce to be added was Tomato sauce.
It created the color red, and it gave use to the fire, the blood and the rest of red Eternity. It also created the feeling of Rage.
1.32-The second sauce to be added was Raspberry Sauce.
The Raspberry Sauce created the Color Blue, and it gave use to the Sky, the Water and the rest of the blue Eternity. It also created the feeling of Calm.
1.33-The third sauce to be added was the Verde Salsa.
It created the Color Green, and gave use to the Plants, the Forestry and rest of the green Eternity. It also created the feeling of Fear.
1.34-The fourth sauce to be added was the Squid Ink. It created the feeling of Empathy. It also created the darkest reaches of space, and made use of the lack of light to help Humanity's Hunters prey upon creatures of the Day.
1.4-And thus the Universe was created. All colors and feelings are created by a mixture of these these sauces. But then, Humanity started to Light Up the Night.
1.5-Thou Shalt not use Lights during times of Darkness, as Apathy would then envelope you.
1.6-Humanity is but a collection of Noodles.
As Humanity reaches out to space and into the farthest reaches of the Earth, the Spaghetti Monster expands.
1.7-When Humanity has reached the edges of Space, it shall cause the pan to sizzle. This will indicate the spaghetti is done cooking, and the heat of life will be taken away, and all of creation shall be lost.
1.8-Death is but the natural selection of noodles to take away from the heat, let cool, and taste to see if the spaghetti is done.
1.8-Evolution is but the natural process of the cooker to cook noodles with slightly better technique. This may make him cook the noodles longer.
1.9-Thou shalt not carry items with more then 2 fingers, as that gives the noodle a worse taste, and may convince the cook testing the noodles to throw out the whole batch.
2.0-Thou Shalt sit with knees at the level of the chin, as that gives the noodle a better taste, convincing the cook to take better and longer care with the noodles remaining, and may even decide to throw the noodle back into the pot.