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The Mentally Ill
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<blockquote data-quote="Ralan" data-source="post: 12031" data-attributes="member: 35"><p><strong>The Mentally Ill</strong></p><p></p><p><u>The Bluebird</u></p><p></p><p>Early morning slithers in through gaps in the curtains and batters my eyelids bloody</p><p>Six o'clock screams the alarm, I imagine myself getting out of bed.</p><p>Seven o'clock screams the alarm, must have drifted off again.</p><p>I crawl into the bathroom, immerse my head in the drug like effects of cold water</p><p>And insert my disposable eyes in order to retain my youthful attractiveness at forty-nine.</p><p></p><p>It?s mid-winter, I remember, as I press the small button which unlocks the doors of my automobile.</p><p>The windscreen requires a dose of antifreeze. Upon arrival at work I receive a routine reprisal</p><p>For arriving two hours late; my boss is comically fat and hairy and</p><p>I would laugh but for the years of abuse as a youth, leaving me with a habitual fear of authority figures.</p><p>My mind slowly greys and blurs as I am absorbed into the computer screen; I miss my coffee break in order to</p><p>Avoid the mocking eyes in the numerous cold faces of younger workers with brighter futures.</p><p>I hate the computer; it runs off mathematics; I hate mathematics, and have in the past tried to free myself from</p><p>It?s stony grasp, but always failed on account of its authority over me and my internal and controlling fear.</p><p>I unknowingly work past five o'clock, unsurprisingly un-notified by the mocking faces leaving desks nearby.</p><p></p><p>On the drive home I fall asleep at the wheel and collide with a people carrier</p><p>And within minutes emerge from the groaning wreckage onto a country lane</p><p>I realise my head is bleeding profusely as I peer into the windows</p><p>Of the vehicle I have unknowingly doomed</p><p>The children on the back seats are already dead, the head of one grotesquely smashed</p><p>Against the seat in front, spattering every window with an abstract of dripping crimson fluid</p><p>Finding the passenger seat empty, my eyes continue upwards to the women at the wheel.</p><p>She dies slowly under my passive gaze, noisely sputtering blood onto the dashboard and </p><p>Across her own face, as I reflect on my failure to raise a family despite my many</p><p>God given years.</p><p></p><p>I leave the scene, wandering along the road in the direction of my home</p><p>My vision begins to blur, and I remember the gash in my head; I am losing too much blood</p><p>I manage to reach a bridge and spew out my emotions in great gushes of vomit before</p><p>The loving numb of shock suddenly abandons me and I collapse</p><p>My leg is broken, I realise, looking down to see the bloody yellow bone protruding from my aging flesh</p><p>I fight the pain, but as it wins control over my body I am subdued, It becomes my master and I fear it</p><p>It seems to me my death is even longer than the mother's, but at least in some small way justice is done</p><p>My vision long abondoned, the now encompassing pain begins to associate with faces in my mind</p><p>My father, the bigger boys at every school, my flatmates, my hairy boss,</p><p>I struggle, but as always I am beaten back, subdued, and made a slave to the controlling force</p><p>The crushing pain. All other troubles forgotten, I am haunted only by my failure</p><p>The last desire of my life is to cry, but my body is too lost to me even for that</p><p></p><p>Suddenly my senses flare back into life for one more moment of reality</p><p>I am intensely aware of the gravel cutting into my face, the freezing cold, the lightly falling rain</p><p>The furious white hot scream of pain from my leg, the dull throbbing in my temple as the blood flow slows</p><p>The sounds of rising wind and life in the evening, the vision of a bluebird, landing briefly on a bridge post</p><p>And peering knowingly into my eyes before taking wing and fading into the blue of the sky</p><p>Finally I am left alone in the darkness with my breath, which after a ferocious fit of desperation</p><p>At last begins to slow, and comes to a stop as I drift away into an eternal, warm and loving sleep.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ralan, post: 12031, member: 35"] [b]The Mentally Ill[/b] [u]The Bluebird[/u] Early morning slithers in through gaps in the curtains and batters my eyelids bloody Six o'clock screams the alarm, I imagine myself getting out of bed. Seven o'clock screams the alarm, must have drifted off again. I crawl into the bathroom, immerse my head in the drug like effects of cold water And insert my disposable eyes in order to retain my youthful attractiveness at forty-nine. It?s mid-winter, I remember, as I press the small button which unlocks the doors of my automobile. The windscreen requires a dose of antifreeze. Upon arrival at work I receive a routine reprisal For arriving two hours late; my boss is comically fat and hairy and I would laugh but for the years of abuse as a youth, leaving me with a habitual fear of authority figures. My mind slowly greys and blurs as I am absorbed into the computer screen; I miss my coffee break in order to Avoid the mocking eyes in the numerous cold faces of younger workers with brighter futures. I hate the computer; it runs off mathematics; I hate mathematics, and have in the past tried to free myself from It?s stony grasp, but always failed on account of its authority over me and my internal and controlling fear. I unknowingly work past five o'clock, unsurprisingly un-notified by the mocking faces leaving desks nearby. On the drive home I fall asleep at the wheel and collide with a people carrier And within minutes emerge from the groaning wreckage onto a country lane I realise my head is bleeding profusely as I peer into the windows Of the vehicle I have unknowingly doomed The children on the back seats are already dead, the head of one grotesquely smashed Against the seat in front, spattering every window with an abstract of dripping crimson fluid Finding the passenger seat empty, my eyes continue upwards to the women at the wheel. She dies slowly under my passive gaze, noisely sputtering blood onto the dashboard and Across her own face, as I reflect on my failure to raise a family despite my many God given years. I leave the scene, wandering along the road in the direction of my home My vision begins to blur, and I remember the gash in my head; I am losing too much blood I manage to reach a bridge and spew out my emotions in great gushes of vomit before The loving numb of shock suddenly abandons me and I collapse My leg is broken, I realise, looking down to see the bloody yellow bone protruding from my aging flesh I fight the pain, but as it wins control over my body I am subdued, It becomes my master and I fear it It seems to me my death is even longer than the mother's, but at least in some small way justice is done My vision long abondoned, the now encompassing pain begins to associate with faces in my mind My father, the bigger boys at every school, my flatmates, my hairy boss, I struggle, but as always I am beaten back, subdued, and made a slave to the controlling force The crushing pain. All other troubles forgotten, I am haunted only by my failure The last desire of my life is to cry, but my body is too lost to me even for that Suddenly my senses flare back into life for one more moment of reality I am intensely aware of the gravel cutting into my face, the freezing cold, the lightly falling rain The furious white hot scream of pain from my leg, the dull throbbing in my temple as the blood flow slows The sounds of rising wind and life in the evening, the vision of a bluebird, landing briefly on a bridge post And peering knowingly into my eyes before taking wing and fading into the blue of the sky Finally I am left alone in the darkness with my breath, which after a ferocious fit of desperation At last begins to slow, and comes to a stop as I drift away into an eternal, warm and loving sleep. [/QUOTE]
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