Forum Game Christmas Humor

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CaryP

Senior Member
Messages
1,438
Christmas Humor

Got this in an email from my wife. The ladies should enjoy this. Very appropriate for the holiday season.

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. ?Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Cary
 

Trism

New Member
Messages
14
Christmas Humor

A Califoria business woman was traveling in Alabama in December. In the town square she noticed a beautiful nativity scene. However, the three wisemen were wearing firefighter helmets, which she found quite puzzling. On her way out of town, she stopped at a 7-11. She asked the clerk why the wisemen in the nativity were wearing firefighter helmets. The clerk said "You damn Yankees! Don't you read the Bible?!?" The woman was familiar with the Bible, but couldn't recall there being any firemen mentioned in it. The clerk reached behind the counter and pulled out a dog-eared copy of the Bible, rifled through the pages, put her finger on one of the lines and said "See? Says ratcheer - the three wisemen came from afar!"
 

StarLord

Senior Member
Messages
3,187
Christmas Humor

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird again and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squaked, kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out and walked to John's outstreched hand and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior the bird continued,

"May I ask what the turkey did wrong?"
 

Judge Bean

Senior Member
Messages
1,257
Christmas Humor

Originally posted by CaryP@Dec 6 2004, 04:30 PM
Got this in an email from my wife. The ladies should enjoy this. Very appropriate for the holiday season.

REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.? Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Cary


And since Santa is the feminine form of the title, the girl deers are dragging a gigantic bearded Scandinavian woman around the world all night and waiting for her to burglarize houses and eat cookies.
 

StarLord

Senior Member
Messages
3,187
Christmas Humor

I always wondered what the Fat Bearded Lady did during December when she was not at the carnival.
 

Unintentional

Active Member
Messages
577
Christmas Humor

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Needless to say Santa wasn't in the best mood.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa went to the door expecting another problem. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree there just to cheer Santa up.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
 

sosuemetoo

Active Member
Messages
723
Christmas Humor

This from my 12 year old daughter, but I found it on the internet:

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
 

StarLord

Senior Member
Messages
3,187
Christmas Humor

CAN YOU GUESS THEM ALL?

1. Quadruped with crimson probiscus

2. 5p.m. to 6a.m. and nary a sound

3. Miniscule hamlet in the far east

4. Ancient benevelont despot

5. Adorn the vestibule

6. Exuberence directed to the planet

7. Listen, aerial spirits harmonizing

8. Monarchial trio

9. Yonder in a hay stack

10. Assemble, everyone who believes

11. Hallowed post meridian

12. Fantasies of a colorless December 25th

13. Ag tintinnabulums

14. A dozen 24-hour Yule periods

15. Befell during the transparent betwitching hour

16. Homo sapien of crystalized vapor

17. I merely desire a pair of incisors

18. I spied my maternal parent osculating a fat man in red

19. Perambulating through a December solstice fantasy

20. Aloft on the acme of the abode
 

sosuemetoo

Active Member
Messages
723
Christmas Humor

I got a bit of help from my mother (momsmom) on this. She's wondering when she will receive her part of the prize ;)

CAN YOU GUESS THEM ALL?

1. Quadruped with crimson probiscus Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

2. 5p.m. to 6a.m. and nary a sound Silent Night

3. Miniscule hamlet in the far east Oh Little Town of Bethelehem

4. Ancient benevelont despot Good King Wenceslas

5. Adorn the vestibule Deck the Halls

6. Exuberence directed to the planet Joy to the World

7. Listen, aerial spirits harmonizing Hark the Herald Angels Sing

8. Monarchial trio We Three Kings of Orient Are

9. Yonder in a hay stack Away in a Manger

10. Assemble, everyone who believes Oh Come All Ye Faithful

11. Hallowed post meridian O Holy Night

12. Fantasies of a colorless December 25th I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

13. Ag tintinnabulums Silver Bells

14. A dozen 24-hour Yule periods The Twelve Days of Christmas

15. Befell during the transparent betwitching hour It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

16. Homo sapien of crystalized vapor Angels We Have Heard on High

17. I merely desire a pair of incisors All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

18. I spied my maternal parent osculating a fat man in red I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

19. Perambulating through a December solstice fantasy Walking Through a Winter Wonderland

20. Aloft on the acme of the abode There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays
 

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