Forum Game Dumb Joke Of The Day

[TnWatchdog]

 

[Khaos]

I saw this one on reddit.

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell...

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."

Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"

Satan: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it!"

Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"

Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"

Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."

Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps,blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."

Guy: "Cool!"

Satan: "What about Drugs?"

Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"

Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great bigbowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."

Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"

Guy: "No..."

Satan: "Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough..."

 

[Carl Miller]

A guy had nothing else to do and as he was acting just like a kick in the a zz, the writer, his friend told him to stroll around by himself to see what happened. The guy went jogging on the beach and as he came across a wonderful astounding 'beauty' walking her dog.= 'Oh, what a machine!!!! Does your dog have an address???' Then he heard a coughing. It was her husband, a wardrobe, for sure. Then, the guy tried a way out that confusion= 'Oh, and what a wonderful he-machine you are, as well'. And added stammering= 'Goodbye'.

 

[tymeonadime]

My dad told me this joke when I was ten or so.

Don Juan does and lands himself in hell.

Upon arriving in hell, Don meets Satan. Satan shows him around.
Don: What is going to happen to me here?
Satan: Let me show you

Satan leafs Don Juan into a large room full of extraordinarily beautiful women, and thousands of bottles of fine wines and rare whiskeys.
Don: What? This doesn't seem like hell.....
Satan: Pick a bottle and pour yourself a drink.
Don Juan looks over the assortment of booze, and deciding on a particularly old bottle of tare wine he picks it up, and tries to pour a drink. No matter how he holds the bottle or the glass, nothing comes out of the obviously full bottle.
Don, thinking this was a joke of sorts chooses another bottle and try again with the same results.

By this time the women have began to surround Don Juan and began to flirt and touch on him.

As Satan is walking out of the door, he turns and says
" Have fun. For you see, there are no holes in hell...."

 

[tymeonadime]

A little boy is walking home from school one afternoon, when he sees a shortcut, and decides to try it out. About halfway down this alley that was his shortcut, the boy hears loud music coming from one of the buildings. Curious he walks over to a wall, and places his hand on the bricks. Feeling the music vibrate the bricks, he notices a small hole between two bricks, looks in, and sees the interior of a strip club. Curious he watches for a few minutes before heading home. Upon returning g home, the boys mother asks him why he's late. Not knowing any better he explains where he was.
His mother was furious She tells him to never do that again, and that staring at naked people will make him turn to stone. The boy agrees and passes the hole without a glance for a week. Then one afternoon, he decides to look in again. He's watches for a few minutes, when all of the sudden he stands up, crying and runs home.

" Mommy mommy, you were right! I was watching that woman dance, and I started to turn to stone!!!"

 

[TnWatchdog]

A little boy is walking home from school one afternoon, when he sees a shortcut, and decides to try it out. About halfway down this alley that was his shortcut, the boy hears loud music coming from one of the buildings. Curious he walks over to a wall, and places his hand on the bricks. Feeling the music vibrate the bricks, he notices a small hole between two bricks, looks in, and sees the interior of a strip club. Curious he watches for a few minutes before heading home. Upon returning g home, the boys mother asks him why he's late. Not knowing any better he explains where he was.
His mother was furious She tells him to never do that again, and that staring at naked people will make him turn to stone. The boy agrees and passes the hole without a glance for a week. Then one afternoon, he decides to look in again. He's watches for a few minutes, when all of the sudden he stands up, crying and runs home.

" Mommy mommy, you were right! I was watching that woman dance, and I started to turn to stone!!!"

Hahaha

 

[Khaos]

This is a joke I tell my friends, and its homemade too.

Guy #1: Hey wanna see my dick?
Guy #2: Nah man, I'm straight
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: Cause man, I don't like looking at dicks
Guy #1: Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?
Guy #2: Yeah I just did that today
Guy #1: I thought you said you didn't like looking at dicks?

I know.... terrible

 

[Num7]

Saw this meme the other day, thought it was pretty funny.

 

[TnWatchdog]

 

[TnWatchdog]

WTF......I was pulling into the gas station, and you will not believe what just happened...I was walking up to pay when I noticed a Sheriff watching a woman who was smoking while pumping gas. I saw her and thought to myself, “Is this chick stupid or what? Really, what kind of a person smokes while pumping gas?" The officer was watching her, absolutely tight-lipped, too! I could not believe my eyes! Anyway, I went on in the store, grabbed a drink from the cooler and paid for the gas. When I was checking out, I heard someone screaming. I looked over at the gas pumps and the woman's arm was on fire! She was swinging her arm and running around going crazy! I ran closer as the officer was knocking her to the ground, arm still burning. Another man threw his jacket on her arm to help put the fire out. The officer put handcuffs on her and threw her in his car. Being the person that I am, I asked what he was arresting her for. He looked me square in my eyes and said ... "WAVING A FIREARM!"