Funny predictions

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HackimerRob

Member
Messages
391
Funny predictions

News flash just in for the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

85 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lb..

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts. Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting Machine
 

Judge Bean

Senior Member
Messages
1,257
Funny predictions

BATBOY AHEAD IN POLLS OVER BRIT SPEARS FOR PRES
 

CaryP

Senior Member
Messages
1,438
Funny predictions

You guys are too funny! I'm voting that the "bat boy" gets the unanimous vote for court jester.

Cary
 

Judge Bean

Senior Member
Messages
1,257
Funny predictions

In the future, everyone will be a figure from advertising for 15 minutes. Some will be Aunt Jemima, some will be Betty Crocker. Some will be Jack Daniels, some Old Grand Dad, Johnny Walker, or Jim Beam. Some will be the Quaker from Quaker Oats, the Pullman porter from the tea bags, or the Indian princess from Land O' Lakes. You can pick the one you want to be, but remember, 15 minutes!
 

CaryP

Senior Member
Messages
1,438
Funny predictions

Originally posted by Paul J. Lyon@Aug 1 2004, 10:03 PM
In the future, everyone will be a figure from advertising for 15 minutes. Some will be Aunt Jemima, some will be Betty Crocker. Some will be Jack Daniels, some Old Grand Dad, Johnny Walker, or Jim Beam. Some will be the Quaker from Quaker Oats, the Pullman porter from the tea bags, or the Indian princess from Land O' Lakes. You can pick the one you want to be, but remember, 15 minutes!


Damn it Paul, does that mean I have to change my avitar? I just learned how to get the damned thing, and I'm pushing 24 hours of having it. Now you're telling me I only have 15 minutes? Leave it to the astute and ever observant Paul J. Lyon, Esq. to recognize the honorable southern gentleman, Jack Daniel.

My prediction:

Jack Daniel time travels to August 2004 just before the Nov. elections and makes prohibition of alcohol a major campaign issue. Kerry is all for it. Bush has fallen off the wagon and gone back to his old favorite, Jim Beam, as a "booster" to his anti-depressent medication. Mr. Bush vehemently opposes it. Mr. Daniel, outraged by the low brow brand chosen by the President, exposes the cheap, bas class, trailer trash alcoholic antics of the commander in chief. Mr. Daniel's is quoted to say, "If the prezident cain't drink a respectable brayand of bourbon, such as one named after myself, for which I am honored by as a southerner and a gentleman, then Ah say, let theya be no alcohol allowed in this great land of ours. Tis better to abstain, than to drink in pain."

Scandals of election fraud, and drunken free for alls in the White House involving Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Bush with lap dances provided by Condi Rice, and Elaine Choi cause massive voter turn out. A third party candidate from the Libertarian party, Mr. Badnerik wins the election by wide margin. A drunken ex-president Bush refuses to give up the White House, making what will become the infamous "drunk speech from the oval office" on live TV. This causes the breakdown of government at all levels. Mayhem and anarchy erupt. Riots, disease and starvation kill half the population of the US in the four years following the 2004 elections. The rest of the world watches in amusement as the former "superpower" goes to the dogs. No help is asked for and none is offered. World opinion consolidates around "they finally got their due" and most are glad the U.S. would longer be able to practice its global imperialism. Bush and many of his administration are convicted of treason, and jailed for life, or deported to guard duty at the U.S. embassy in Baghdad.

When all seems lost, a small but visionary group, who had seen the future, comes to the rescue in 2008. The group known as the Time Travel Forum (.net, not .tk) is hailed as the new ruling elite with many of its members placed in postions of power. The group had solutions and answers to all manner of problems and conflicts. They had seen the future and analyzed and solved all significant problems in advance of their occurence. No one wanted to listen to their "doom and gloom" stories before the "breakdown" began, but now their wisdom was begged for by the surviving masses.

Mr. Daniel rescinds his call for prohibition, as one of the new laws of the land is that no cheap alcohol will be allowed. The TTF, as the group is called, establishes a state church, with the annointment of Pope Paul the first. One of Pope Paul's first proclimations is that Jack Daniel's bourbon will be the official church liquor, and will be used in all church cerimonies. Pope Paul is also appointed Atty. General for the new TTF government due to his former life as an attorney specializing in Constitutional law.

(More to come later. Feel free to add some of your own. Pick a position for yourself, whatever.) I'm keeping Mr. Daniel as my avitar, for now. He deserves more than 15 minutes.

Cary
 

Judge Bean

Senior Member
Messages
1,257
Funny predictions

Originally posted by Ralan@Aug 2 2004, 11:17 AM
I choose the Laughing Cow.


We have Laughing Cow products at Christmas, the individual foilwrapped pieces, and we call them "Baby Cheeses."

Cary you forgot that Rice ended up at Hooters, on crank.

I choose Mr. Clean.
 

StarLord

Senior Member
Messages
3,187
Funny predictions

I didn't know that condoleza had a rack that qualified her to get a spot at hooters. Musta been a charity thang. And Crack would explain her emaciated look.


Mine would be pretty obvious: Texaco Star
 

Snow

Member
Messages
469
Funny predictions

For my 15 minutes I will be Cap'n Crunch. My assistant accounting manager ahd that nick name and I was so jealous. :angry: My nick name was The Bitch. I will rectify that in the future . . . he can be The Bitch, I will be Cap'n Crunch! Another injustice righted!

Thanks for the opportunity >:D<

SFW
 

HackimerRob

Member
Messages
391
Funny predictions

Can I be the MTV logo? I always thought it was a neat logo, but if it has to be real people I'll take the michelin man, cause I can protect y'alls when the war starts.
 

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