Okay, so I made this time machine out of some spare parts, various lengths of wire, and a generous supply of Unrealium that I had on hand. It was more of a time chamber actually. Okay, it was one of my kitchen cabinets. The tall skinny one that I use to store brooms, mops, and stuff like that. It was a tight fit but I managed to fit inside if I sucked in my gut and held my breath.
Anyways, I decided that I would use it after I had lunch. It was about quarter to noon, and I hadn't had breakfast. My plan was to wait until 1:00 pm and then set the controls to go back one hour into the past. I didn't want to go back any further than that because I wasn't really sure about it. What if I got shot by rebels in 1863, or trampled to death by a brontosaurus? No thanks! An hour would do just fine.
Anyways, I poured myself a glass of milk and used the last of my peanut butter, jelly and bread to make myself a sandwich.
It was kinda weird about the sandwich. I thought I had more peanut butter, jelly, and bread than I remembered, but I didn't think anything about it at the time.
Anyways, I sat down at the kitchen table, said a short blessing to the God of Science, and started to take a bite. I looked up at the clock and it was high noon.
So there I am, about to take the first bite of my PB&J, when all the sudden there's this whooshing sound and somebody steps out of the broom closet... I mean, the time chamber.
It was me! At least he looked like me. The only difference I could see was that he had some breadcrumbs on his shirt and a little bit of jelly at the corner of his mouth. Now, I'm a messy eater, so that checked out. This guy had to be me from the future, right?
Anyways, this guy just walks over to where I'm sitting and, bold as brass, grabs my sandwich and, without even a thank you, turns around, fiddles around with the controls of my time chamber, gets back in the broom closet, and WHOOOSH, he's gone.
Okay, so now I'm pissed, right? I get cranky when I get hungry, and this asshole from the future just waltzes in and steals my lunch. A totally dick move, if you ask me. Not something that I would do at all.
And then it hits me. I hadn't invented a time machine at all. That other guy must have come from a parallel universe! An evil one, most likely. Where else could that bastard have come from but an evil universe? Damn thief.
I had to make sure though. So I didn't go into the chamber at 1:00 pm like I planned. I waited for like two or three hours, but my sandwich did not reappear. This proved, at least to me, that the son of a bitch who stole my sandwich was not me from the future. I mean, if I never went into the chamber to begin with, then it couldn't have been future-me who came out, right?
Anyways, I tinkered with the chamber a little more so it would behave like a proper time machine and not like some damned portal to the Lunch-thief Universe. Everything looked fine though. I couldn't find anything wrong with the setup. The Titor tanks were a bit low, but that was to be expected after using the chamber -- even though I wasn't the one who used it.
The thing is I couldn't just top off the tanks with more Unrealium. Too dangerous. You have to drain those suckers first then refill them and that takes time, so by the time I was done it was close to midnight. Man, was I hungry!
All the stores were closed, so I decided to try an experiment.
First, I went back 24 hours and, while past-me was sleeping, I fixed myself a PB&J. And then another. It was then that I suddenly realized that the reason I was running short of peanut butter, jelly, and bread was because I had stolen it from myself.
I'll be damned! It was a time machine all along!
So then, just for spite, I went back to 12 noon and got my original sandwich back. I was damned if I was gonna let that asshole enjoy it.
Oh... wait.
Anyways, I decided that I would use it after I had lunch. It was about quarter to noon, and I hadn't had breakfast. My plan was to wait until 1:00 pm and then set the controls to go back one hour into the past. I didn't want to go back any further than that because I wasn't really sure about it. What if I got shot by rebels in 1863, or trampled to death by a brontosaurus? No thanks! An hour would do just fine.
Anyways, I poured myself a glass of milk and used the last of my peanut butter, jelly and bread to make myself a sandwich.
It was kinda weird about the sandwich. I thought I had more peanut butter, jelly, and bread than I remembered, but I didn't think anything about it at the time.
Anyways, I sat down at the kitchen table, said a short blessing to the God of Science, and started to take a bite. I looked up at the clock and it was high noon.
So there I am, about to take the first bite of my PB&J, when all the sudden there's this whooshing sound and somebody steps out of the broom closet... I mean, the time chamber.
It was me! At least he looked like me. The only difference I could see was that he had some breadcrumbs on his shirt and a little bit of jelly at the corner of his mouth. Now, I'm a messy eater, so that checked out. This guy had to be me from the future, right?
Anyways, this guy just walks over to where I'm sitting and, bold as brass, grabs my sandwich and, without even a thank you, turns around, fiddles around with the controls of my time chamber, gets back in the broom closet, and WHOOOSH, he's gone.
Okay, so now I'm pissed, right? I get cranky when I get hungry, and this asshole from the future just waltzes in and steals my lunch. A totally dick move, if you ask me. Not something that I would do at all.
And then it hits me. I hadn't invented a time machine at all. That other guy must have come from a parallel universe! An evil one, most likely. Where else could that bastard have come from but an evil universe? Damn thief.
I had to make sure though. So I didn't go into the chamber at 1:00 pm like I planned. I waited for like two or three hours, but my sandwich did not reappear. This proved, at least to me, that the son of a bitch who stole my sandwich was not me from the future. I mean, if I never went into the chamber to begin with, then it couldn't have been future-me who came out, right?
Anyways, I tinkered with the chamber a little more so it would behave like a proper time machine and not like some damned portal to the Lunch-thief Universe. Everything looked fine though. I couldn't find anything wrong with the setup. The Titor tanks were a bit low, but that was to be expected after using the chamber -- even though I wasn't the one who used it.
The thing is I couldn't just top off the tanks with more Unrealium. Too dangerous. You have to drain those suckers first then refill them and that takes time, so by the time I was done it was close to midnight. Man, was I hungry!
All the stores were closed, so I decided to try an experiment.
First, I went back 24 hours and, while past-me was sleeping, I fixed myself a PB&J. And then another. It was then that I suddenly realized that the reason I was running short of peanut butter, jelly, and bread was because I had stolen it from myself.
I'll be damned! It was a time machine all along!
So then, just for spite, I went back to 12 noon and got my original sandwich back. I was damned if I was gonna let that asshole enjoy it.
Oh... wait.
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