Keroscene
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Remembering the dead
My experience with death sometimes make me wonder if death could be the proof of what some people might consider destiny. Why do some people die in the manner they do? Have I had more experiences with death than I should have? I have not had as many compared to some people, but sometimes I wonder if it is too much for me to handle. Being it is the only certain thing in life, it's bound to happen that one experiences it in one form or another eventually. My grandfather fought in Korea, and says that if it is your time to go it is time. THe reason why some bullets fly inches missing one person is the same reason some make contact with the next. I always took that as a meaning of destiny. My grandfather does not believe in God, but does believe there is no wy of avoiding the inevitable. I never understood how he came to that sense of reasoning, but I found it mysterious and admirable. In any case I'd thought I'd share my experineces with it, sometimes they seem unusual.
My first. Around 6 or 7 my great grandmother died. I went to the funeral, but never really understood what was going on or connected with it emotionally. I didn;t really know the woman, so I didn't feel any sense of loss. THis was the first time I was introduced to funerals, it gave me a sense of the customs people follow when others die. This was all I really walked away with this from.
My second. MY grandmother on my fathers side passed. I was probably about 14 or 15 at the time. I was always very close to her. I spent alot of time at her house and she looked after my brother and I while my parents tried to figure out if they were ready to be parents. She had a stroke a few months before she passed, and afterwards I could tell that the stroke had severely affected her thought process. She was slower, and would say unusual things out of the blue she would have never said before. She was a very religious woman and I always wondered why god would take her so young at around 60. I went to her funeral and cried my eyes out, which was probably my first time crying since a child. It was also the only time that I have ever touched a dead person. My father encouraged me to do so, for reasons unknown to me. It wasn't a touch of love, but to more experience what a dead person is. I know this sounds kind of morbid, but that instance brought an overwhelming feeling over me of being scared and comfortable at the same time. It's difficult to describe, but that there is peace after the fear.
MY third experience. My my fathers brother dies when I am about 16. We have a congenital heart disease in my family, my grandmother passed of it. I've been tested and do not carry the gene. I spent lots of time with my Uncle as his last days drew near. He was a very outgoing person and was forced to stay home now that heart disease was in full swing. I saw the color in his hair go gray, and it seemed like he aged years over the course of a year. His children were toddlers at the time so I felt incredibly sorry for him he wouldn't see them grow up. I spent the last weeks with him, I would bring my playstation over and game with him for hours because he couldn't leave the house. I took it very hard and did not go to his funeral, sometimes I regret not going.
MY thinrd and fourth experience. I have to girl cousins who I am living with at the time. THey leave the house one day and get into a car accident. Jessie and April were their names. THe car spins out of control on the snow, Jessie oversteers, the car spins and ends up backwards into a telephone pole on the drivers side. Jessie is severely injured with head trauma, but April is o.k. April gets out of the car and goes for help. Jessie passes a few hours later in the hospital from massive head trauma. The girls were very close, and i could sense a loss in April, not just the loss in losing her cousin and best friend, but a feeling that she was lost in this world now. A week passes, and April and my ex-girlfriend are leaving school. MY ex girlfirend who is driving, loses control around a snowy turn
and hits another car passanger side first. April is killed instantly, and my ex winds up in the hospital with serious face trauma but is in stable condition. THis instance of death is what makes me wonder aboout destiny, maybe April and Jessie were meant to be together, in this life and the next. I did not go to either one of their funerals, but I cried for a long time.
My fifth experience. I was about 20 at the time. My buddy who I was firends with since high school kills himself. I sold him an ar15 rifle about six months earliers, and while he owned many rifles this is the one he used to decide and kill himself with. I got a call from the police asking me to confirm i sold it to him after they found the receipt. I did not go to his funeral. I'm sorry I sold him the rifle, I know it doesn't matter he would have used something else if not that rifle, but I am glad he didn't go on a shooting spree with it. I don't know how to address that feeling. I think in another world or place he might have, I don't know why I ahve this feeling.
My sixth experience. Another one of my friends kills themselves. We were a group who hung out together 5 or 6 of us, and now two are gone. THis time over a girl and he hung himself. I worked with his father, and could tell he took it very hard. I cried at this one. I went to his calling hours and to his funral and was a pallbearer. I'm firends with his brother and see him on aregular basis. We went for a ride the other day. He looks like his brother and I have to be careful not call him by his brothers name, the ride we took the other day he talked with me about his brother and I found it very difficult. I wish he would have called me to talk about his girl problems before he did this, or maybe I should have called him.
My seventh experience. MY grandmother on my mother side passed a few weeks ago. I was very close to her. Her funeral is coming up here in a few weeks. I will be going to this one. I'm not sure how i will take it. My grandfather is still here and says now he is just waiting for his turn to die. I feel so bad for him but don't know how to console him or if there is any way that I can. She was a good woman and will be missed.
No eighth, yet. Just thought I would share some of my experiences with death. The Jessie and April deaths are what make me wonder about destiny and if it is real or not, if certain people were meant to be together.
My experience with death sometimes make me wonder if death could be the proof of what some people might consider destiny. Why do some people die in the manner they do? Have I had more experiences with death than I should have? I have not had as many compared to some people, but sometimes I wonder if it is too much for me to handle. Being it is the only certain thing in life, it's bound to happen that one experiences it in one form or another eventually. My grandfather fought in Korea, and says that if it is your time to go it is time. THe reason why some bullets fly inches missing one person is the same reason some make contact with the next. I always took that as a meaning of destiny. My grandfather does not believe in God, but does believe there is no wy of avoiding the inevitable. I never understood how he came to that sense of reasoning, but I found it mysterious and admirable. In any case I'd thought I'd share my experineces with it, sometimes they seem unusual.
My first. Around 6 or 7 my great grandmother died. I went to the funeral, but never really understood what was going on or connected with it emotionally. I didn;t really know the woman, so I didn't feel any sense of loss. THis was the first time I was introduced to funerals, it gave me a sense of the customs people follow when others die. This was all I really walked away with this from.
My second. MY grandmother on my fathers side passed. I was probably about 14 or 15 at the time. I was always very close to her. I spent alot of time at her house and she looked after my brother and I while my parents tried to figure out if they were ready to be parents. She had a stroke a few months before she passed, and afterwards I could tell that the stroke had severely affected her thought process. She was slower, and would say unusual things out of the blue she would have never said before. She was a very religious woman and I always wondered why god would take her so young at around 60. I went to her funeral and cried my eyes out, which was probably my first time crying since a child. It was also the only time that I have ever touched a dead person. My father encouraged me to do so, for reasons unknown to me. It wasn't a touch of love, but to more experience what a dead person is. I know this sounds kind of morbid, but that instance brought an overwhelming feeling over me of being scared and comfortable at the same time. It's difficult to describe, but that there is peace after the fear.
MY third experience. My my fathers brother dies when I am about 16. We have a congenital heart disease in my family, my grandmother passed of it. I've been tested and do not carry the gene. I spent lots of time with my Uncle as his last days drew near. He was a very outgoing person and was forced to stay home now that heart disease was in full swing. I saw the color in his hair go gray, and it seemed like he aged years over the course of a year. His children were toddlers at the time so I felt incredibly sorry for him he wouldn't see them grow up. I spent the last weeks with him, I would bring my playstation over and game with him for hours because he couldn't leave the house. I took it very hard and did not go to his funeral, sometimes I regret not going.
MY thinrd and fourth experience. I have to girl cousins who I am living with at the time. THey leave the house one day and get into a car accident. Jessie and April were their names. THe car spins out of control on the snow, Jessie oversteers, the car spins and ends up backwards into a telephone pole on the drivers side. Jessie is severely injured with head trauma, but April is o.k. April gets out of the car and goes for help. Jessie passes a few hours later in the hospital from massive head trauma. The girls were very close, and i could sense a loss in April, not just the loss in losing her cousin and best friend, but a feeling that she was lost in this world now. A week passes, and April and my ex-girlfriend are leaving school. MY ex girlfirend who is driving, loses control around a snowy turn
and hits another car passanger side first. April is killed instantly, and my ex winds up in the hospital with serious face trauma but is in stable condition. THis instance of death is what makes me wonder aboout destiny, maybe April and Jessie were meant to be together, in this life and the next. I did not go to either one of their funerals, but I cried for a long time.
My fifth experience. I was about 20 at the time. My buddy who I was firends with since high school kills himself. I sold him an ar15 rifle about six months earliers, and while he owned many rifles this is the one he used to decide and kill himself with. I got a call from the police asking me to confirm i sold it to him after they found the receipt. I did not go to his funeral. I'm sorry I sold him the rifle, I know it doesn't matter he would have used something else if not that rifle, but I am glad he didn't go on a shooting spree with it. I don't know how to address that feeling. I think in another world or place he might have, I don't know why I ahve this feeling.
My sixth experience. Another one of my friends kills themselves. We were a group who hung out together 5 or 6 of us, and now two are gone. THis time over a girl and he hung himself. I worked with his father, and could tell he took it very hard. I cried at this one. I went to his calling hours and to his funral and was a pallbearer. I'm firends with his brother and see him on aregular basis. We went for a ride the other day. He looks like his brother and I have to be careful not call him by his brothers name, the ride we took the other day he talked with me about his brother and I found it very difficult. I wish he would have called me to talk about his girl problems before he did this, or maybe I should have called him.
My seventh experience. MY grandmother on my mother side passed a few weeks ago. I was very close to her. Her funeral is coming up here in a few weeks. I will be going to this one. I'm not sure how i will take it. My grandfather is still here and says now he is just waiting for his turn to die. I feel so bad for him but don't know how to console him or if there is any way that I can. She was a good woman and will be missed.
No eighth, yet. Just thought I would share some of my experiences with death. The Jessie and April deaths are what make me wonder about destiny and if it is real or not, if certain people were meant to be together.
