Everyone wants to know what the Titor posts are about. And I have been trying to figure it out myself. The difference is that it is, apparently, partially about my life and others, and therefore I can interpret it differently and 'better' than most. It is essentially a message and a context, one that has been difficult to properly and fully understand for the confusion and manipulations, as well as the mental instability that comes with such experiences as mine.
I am about to explain the core of my personal perspective in a chronology.
The whole thing started years ago, the moment I rationalized in my teenage head that the girl sitting next to me was a gem, apparently from a good home and loving family. By chance, I just happen to be sitting next to this nice little girl hanging out chatting every day. There were a million things to suggest that she was a good girl who was very much loved and well taken care of, that her mother was a good one. (It had a lot to do with watching her emulate her mother.) Not long after concluding this, we all separated and I never saw her again. It was very simple innocent teenage interaction, a few friends hanging out chatting and joking around in a classroom setting, and then it was over.
A year or so later, that gem of a girl was pronounced dead from a tragic accident, and it hurt a lot of people.
Several years later, when in my twenties, I was going through a reassessment period, finding a better understanding of life and trying to correct myself and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I have always relished the idea of doing the homestead thing somewhere remote where I could raise a family properly without all the adverse influences, an untainted or sterile environment to raise my children, where I could teach them solid values and principles and give them everything I could to find happiness in life, ...all for the overall end goal of being able to die a happy old man with the satisfaction that I did right by my wife and descendants in that they are going to likely do well, that my legacy was secure. The idea was about how to get from a 20 something mess to my my own Eden on a plateau in the hills somewhere.
Given the parameters of human biology bestowed upon us by nature, there is one key element to this whole happy dead grandad in Eden thing to consider; Eve. Alice is a good name for it because the name Alice means nobility, like a queen figure, like a proud happy gramma. Being a happy dying grandad means everyone is okay, means they were all given the wisdom knowledge and tools to facilitate happy secure lives, which includes good role models, which means a good wife and mother for my children. And what is a good wife and mother? ...One who knows how to be. And where do they get those life skills? From their good mothers and grandmothers. It comes from girls who come from good loving families with good role models and good instilled values systems.
This is a part of what I define as beautiful of a woman, that basic idea of what is a worthy mother.
So I'm thinking all of this and start referencing in my head every female I have ever known that fits that description. One of them was that gem of a girl from my teens. She was a real close match to what I idealize as a keeper, worthy of all of that investment and risk associated with such grandad/Eden goals. You just knew she was going to turn out well had she survived. Somewhere in my 20 something head, I was thinking "A girl like that". The simple logic is that girls like that raise you a daughter like her mother who spends time with their daughters and sends her kids to school well fed in warm clothes in the winter like her mother and grandmothers did. And somewhere down the line there will be some young man looking at my granddaughter thinking "That girl's a gem, probably from a good home, probably make a good mom some day". ...which is the kind of young man you want knocking up your granddaughter because it means he's thinking in the right terms of family values and might actually be a good dad to your great grandchildren.
I can think of several girls "like that" whom I grew up with. And they all turned out pretty well, beautiful women in fact. It's good to see them doing things like brag on social media about their families. But that one always comes to mind as a little different because she was particularly well kept. It was very obvious to me in my teens that she came from a very loving home. That is how she and her mother served as a reference point in my head, as role models of sorts. Coincidentally, her whole family background is quite similar to mine.
The question of how to go from a mess of an individual to a good dad out in the country somewhere, not only requires I figure out how to be a good role model, and find a good role model, but to also facilitate all that comes with material and service costs of putting that together. Houses and barns and tools and cloths and food and medical insurance, etc, etc, etc.... ....etc,. .... etc, ...etc... costs money. So I decide that would try to use my intellect to get a degree in something scientific or ingenuitive and maybe increase my income, buy a homestead after saving, maybe go on the hunt for a "girl like that" in the meantime. Hopefully, by the time I'm 40-something, I will be raising kids in Eden somewhere.
But of course, it didn't quite work out like that. Instead, what happened was that I got gang-stalked and harassed for a couple of decades, things like bomb-threats to my school. etc. So I had to put a lot of things on hold in order to deal with these weirdos following me to places like the laundry or college and bugging me, etc, ...and in addition to all the normal BS working against me.
Then one day several years ago, out of nowhere I start thinking evil-like, chaos in my head ensued and I felt possessed and could not think clearly or control my thoughts even, as if I were fighting demons. My head felt like it got smeared across a few thousand years. It was very turbulent, like intense clairvoyance and hypnotic programming and side effects of time travel all at once. I was basically in and out of some kind of personal hell of psychosis and dementia for several years, ...all the while, I was discovering things out of place in time, evidence of time travel, and a lot of it. Part of that is the Titor-verse.
Somewhere in the middle of it, I began to discover it had something to do with that little girl from my childhood. I completely lost it. The thought of whatever this nonsense is all about somehow causing her harm very very much upsets me. So I had to go looking into it, to discern the truth in whatever has disrupted so many years of my life and resolve it. I have been steadily investigating since a few years ago upon discovering this connection of some kind.
What I have discovered is a series of inconsistencies and anomalies attached the the events and circumstances of how I relate to this childhood friend of mine, as well as others. A lot of things are out of whack, so to speak. But you cannot see it unless you know the difference and look really deep, deep into the rabbit hole. That's what "Alice when she's ten feet tall" is about. It's about exactly what this post and thread is about.
Among other things, it's a very VERY sweet message from a friend in regard to the things I speak of here.
My first inclination is to be suspicious. Why would a nice girl like that, especially after I have so well proven what a complete disaster and piece of crap I am, want anything remotely to do with me, then or now? That makes no sense whatsoever, and aside from any time anomalies. Not only that, but we were just kids, friends hanging out, and it was all so very simple so long ago. By whatever social order, it makes no sense - none.
Don't get me wrong, the thought of finding a "girl like that" in early adulthood fertile and ready to go run off to Eden sounds QUITE nice. But I don't see it happenin'. So what is my name doing there, and in that anomalous context? How did she know those things? And why or how is she dead? Is it a girl goofing off? Was she serious? Is it someone playing a sick joke with time travel? I didn't do that, nor would I should I go back. What is it all about?
So I went looking a bit deeper into it. While everyone peeks into the rabbit hole, I am so deep it is getting geo-thermal. I have found a series of anomalies and evidence of travel, not only in regard to her but many other things. But I am very concerned about her. Ultimately, whatever is going on, as is apparent, we were just kids, not responsible, and probably did not deserve our fates. She's gone and so much of my life has been consumed by all the nonsense that I have no hope of having my Eden. It's too late in life to get started. Her family has suffered. Their pride and joy is somehow gone. It's not a good thing. And I am still unsure of how I fit into it all.
If I were to go back, I would either stay out of it altogether, or act in a way that was unnoticeable. I wouldn't be after my friend expecting some kind of Eden dream life. That's not real. And I would not be talking to her or anyone about any of this. I wouldn't be trying to kill her or disrupt her life or any of that. I loved my little childhood friend, all of them, and want nothing but good for her.
But that stuff didn't happen, and I am looking at a trail of things stretching back pretty far across time that says this is real and important to more than just those personally effected. Part of that has something to do with the Titor posts and my friend. And I would very much appreciate everyone's understanding. I do not need your demands for proof or even care of you believe it. It's real and is my life and substantive. And I am simply trying to define truth about what exactly has transpired.
There is a truth in it that I am still trying to discern. It's complex. And everyone messing around is not helping at all.
Everything about this starts with discerning truth.
I am about to explain the core of my personal perspective in a chronology.
The whole thing started years ago, the moment I rationalized in my teenage head that the girl sitting next to me was a gem, apparently from a good home and loving family. By chance, I just happen to be sitting next to this nice little girl hanging out chatting every day. There were a million things to suggest that she was a good girl who was very much loved and well taken care of, that her mother was a good one. (It had a lot to do with watching her emulate her mother.) Not long after concluding this, we all separated and I never saw her again. It was very simple innocent teenage interaction, a few friends hanging out chatting and joking around in a classroom setting, and then it was over.
A year or so later, that gem of a girl was pronounced dead from a tragic accident, and it hurt a lot of people.
Several years later, when in my twenties, I was going through a reassessment period, finding a better understanding of life and trying to correct myself and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I have always relished the idea of doing the homestead thing somewhere remote where I could raise a family properly without all the adverse influences, an untainted or sterile environment to raise my children, where I could teach them solid values and principles and give them everything I could to find happiness in life, ...all for the overall end goal of being able to die a happy old man with the satisfaction that I did right by my wife and descendants in that they are going to likely do well, that my legacy was secure. The idea was about how to get from a 20 something mess to my my own Eden on a plateau in the hills somewhere.
Given the parameters of human biology bestowed upon us by nature, there is one key element to this whole happy dead grandad in Eden thing to consider; Eve. Alice is a good name for it because the name Alice means nobility, like a queen figure, like a proud happy gramma. Being a happy dying grandad means everyone is okay, means they were all given the wisdom knowledge and tools to facilitate happy secure lives, which includes good role models, which means a good wife and mother for my children. And what is a good wife and mother? ...One who knows how to be. And where do they get those life skills? From their good mothers and grandmothers. It comes from girls who come from good loving families with good role models and good instilled values systems.
This is a part of what I define as beautiful of a woman, that basic idea of what is a worthy mother.
So I'm thinking all of this and start referencing in my head every female I have ever known that fits that description. One of them was that gem of a girl from my teens. She was a real close match to what I idealize as a keeper, worthy of all of that investment and risk associated with such grandad/Eden goals. You just knew she was going to turn out well had she survived. Somewhere in my 20 something head, I was thinking "A girl like that". The simple logic is that girls like that raise you a daughter like her mother who spends time with their daughters and sends her kids to school well fed in warm clothes in the winter like her mother and grandmothers did. And somewhere down the line there will be some young man looking at my granddaughter thinking "That girl's a gem, probably from a good home, probably make a good mom some day". ...which is the kind of young man you want knocking up your granddaughter because it means he's thinking in the right terms of family values and might actually be a good dad to your great grandchildren.
I can think of several girls "like that" whom I grew up with. And they all turned out pretty well, beautiful women in fact. It's good to see them doing things like brag on social media about their families. But that one always comes to mind as a little different because she was particularly well kept. It was very obvious to me in my teens that she came from a very loving home. That is how she and her mother served as a reference point in my head, as role models of sorts. Coincidentally, her whole family background is quite similar to mine.
The question of how to go from a mess of an individual to a good dad out in the country somewhere, not only requires I figure out how to be a good role model, and find a good role model, but to also facilitate all that comes with material and service costs of putting that together. Houses and barns and tools and cloths and food and medical insurance, etc, etc, etc.... ....etc,. .... etc, ...etc... costs money. So I decide that would try to use my intellect to get a degree in something scientific or ingenuitive and maybe increase my income, buy a homestead after saving, maybe go on the hunt for a "girl like that" in the meantime. Hopefully, by the time I'm 40-something, I will be raising kids in Eden somewhere.
But of course, it didn't quite work out like that. Instead, what happened was that I got gang-stalked and harassed for a couple of decades, things like bomb-threats to my school. etc. So I had to put a lot of things on hold in order to deal with these weirdos following me to places like the laundry or college and bugging me, etc, ...and in addition to all the normal BS working against me.
Then one day several years ago, out of nowhere I start thinking evil-like, chaos in my head ensued and I felt possessed and could not think clearly or control my thoughts even, as if I were fighting demons. My head felt like it got smeared across a few thousand years. It was very turbulent, like intense clairvoyance and hypnotic programming and side effects of time travel all at once. I was basically in and out of some kind of personal hell of psychosis and dementia for several years, ...all the while, I was discovering things out of place in time, evidence of time travel, and a lot of it. Part of that is the Titor-verse.
Somewhere in the middle of it, I began to discover it had something to do with that little girl from my childhood. I completely lost it. The thought of whatever this nonsense is all about somehow causing her harm very very much upsets me. So I had to go looking into it, to discern the truth in whatever has disrupted so many years of my life and resolve it. I have been steadily investigating since a few years ago upon discovering this connection of some kind.
What I have discovered is a series of inconsistencies and anomalies attached the the events and circumstances of how I relate to this childhood friend of mine, as well as others. A lot of things are out of whack, so to speak. But you cannot see it unless you know the difference and look really deep, deep into the rabbit hole. That's what "Alice when she's ten feet tall" is about. It's about exactly what this post and thread is about.
Among other things, it's a very VERY sweet message from a friend in regard to the things I speak of here.
My first inclination is to be suspicious. Why would a nice girl like that, especially after I have so well proven what a complete disaster and piece of crap I am, want anything remotely to do with me, then or now? That makes no sense whatsoever, and aside from any time anomalies. Not only that, but we were just kids, friends hanging out, and it was all so very simple so long ago. By whatever social order, it makes no sense - none.
Don't get me wrong, the thought of finding a "girl like that" in early adulthood fertile and ready to go run off to Eden sounds QUITE nice. But I don't see it happenin'. So what is my name doing there, and in that anomalous context? How did she know those things? And why or how is she dead? Is it a girl goofing off? Was she serious? Is it someone playing a sick joke with time travel? I didn't do that, nor would I should I go back. What is it all about?
So I went looking a bit deeper into it. While everyone peeks into the rabbit hole, I am so deep it is getting geo-thermal. I have found a series of anomalies and evidence of travel, not only in regard to her but many other things. But I am very concerned about her. Ultimately, whatever is going on, as is apparent, we were just kids, not responsible, and probably did not deserve our fates. She's gone and so much of my life has been consumed by all the nonsense that I have no hope of having my Eden. It's too late in life to get started. Her family has suffered. Their pride and joy is somehow gone. It's not a good thing. And I am still unsure of how I fit into it all.
If I were to go back, I would either stay out of it altogether, or act in a way that was unnoticeable. I wouldn't be after my friend expecting some kind of Eden dream life. That's not real. And I would not be talking to her or anyone about any of this. I wouldn't be trying to kill her or disrupt her life or any of that. I loved my little childhood friend, all of them, and want nothing but good for her.
But that stuff didn't happen, and I am looking at a trail of things stretching back pretty far across time that says this is real and important to more than just those personally effected. Part of that has something to do with the Titor posts and my friend. And I would very much appreciate everyone's understanding. I do not need your demands for proof or even care of you believe it. It's real and is my life and substantive. And I am simply trying to define truth about what exactly has transpired.
There is a truth in it that I am still trying to discern. It's complex. And everyone messing around is not helping at all.
Everything about this starts with discerning truth.
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