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hi everyone it has been a while...
Anyhow lets get into this.
Firstly let me say i am deeply spiritual but open to questions like the one i am asking here.
For the past few days it feels like i am in the matrix. My life is just hitting a wall and it is the same wall and I am tired that i sleep in my dreams. Needless to say i have depression and with that some other "thoughts" does inter into my mind from time to time.
But i can't bring myself to feel anymore. Seriously it is as if i can't feel anymore.
Everything inside of me is broken and fundamentally burned out to the point that i can't get out of this hole.
Then it hit me... i am dead...
The life i am living now isn't a life it is just memories and i pass on from one set of memories to the next and as much as i try to remember all of them i can't because it is impossible. Don't get me wrong i have a good memory and i use it to torture myself on a day to day base BUT the parts that are good is missing from my mind.
i have no good memories anymore... My life became a collection of sadness and pain and i feel that this must be a prerequisite for my final destination and i fear it might be hell and all the horror that lives in hell has my number... So i try to push back get out of this mindset but i can't.
So again i think i am just memories... i don't believe this life is real anymore i don't believe i can change a single thing and i don't think i can move on anymore. It is as if my soul is trapped and my body is not real anymore.
Is this hell?
I think it might be or soon will be as my life is just not working out.
So i think i died i think this world is a lie and i believe this because nothing good happens anymore. It is just pain, more pain and sadness.
Perhaps i lost my mind, maybe it is my way of coping but i think i am in hell.
thank you for reading.
Anyhow lets get into this.
Firstly let me say i am deeply spiritual but open to questions like the one i am asking here.
For the past few days it feels like i am in the matrix. My life is just hitting a wall and it is the same wall and I am tired that i sleep in my dreams. Needless to say i have depression and with that some other "thoughts" does inter into my mind from time to time.
But i can't bring myself to feel anymore. Seriously it is as if i can't feel anymore.
Everything inside of me is broken and fundamentally burned out to the point that i can't get out of this hole.
Then it hit me... i am dead...
The life i am living now isn't a life it is just memories and i pass on from one set of memories to the next and as much as i try to remember all of them i can't because it is impossible. Don't get me wrong i have a good memory and i use it to torture myself on a day to day base BUT the parts that are good is missing from my mind.
i have no good memories anymore... My life became a collection of sadness and pain and i feel that this must be a prerequisite for my final destination and i fear it might be hell and all the horror that lives in hell has my number... So i try to push back get out of this mindset but i can't.
So again i think i am just memories... i don't believe this life is real anymore i don't believe i can change a single thing and i don't think i can move on anymore. It is as if my soul is trapped and my body is not real anymore.
Is this hell?
I think it might be or soon will be as my life is just not working out.
So i think i died i think this world is a lie and i believe this because nothing good happens anymore. It is just pain, more pain and sadness.
Perhaps i lost my mind, maybe it is my way of coping but i think i am in hell.
thank you for reading.