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THE SECRET SONG
- Thread starter AAA
- Start date
Macho Man,
What do you call that? ...does it count as deductive reasoning?
Tell me about something, ..how hard is it to piss off a dead girl and make her jealous? Is that even possible? If I pissed her off enough, would it bring her back to life? Would it cause her to knock on my door and bitch me out? At least then I would know she is alive and well, right?
And, FYI, the girl at the grocery was much prettier than the ones depicted.
What do you call that? ...does it count as deductive reasoning?
Tell me about something, ..how hard is it to piss off a dead girl and make her jealous? Is that even possible? If I pissed her off enough, would it bring her back to life? Would it cause her to knock on my door and bitch me out? At least then I would know she is alive and well, right?
And, FYI, the girl at the grocery was much prettier than the ones depicted.
To whomever it may concern,
I have been seeing cryptic references to things for a few years now. For about the last year, there have been a few references to my ex-wife. The context of the messages has been in a way that would require someones to go digging into legal records and in a context that makes me rather uneasy. Combined with what I found when searching online for her a couple of years ago, I think I see what is going on.
It says that;
A - Something bad happened to her, ...and
B - You suspect I had something to do with it.
Well, I didn't. But I do know her well, and I am going to make an educated guess that either;
A - She got into some legal trouble, possibly for fraud or something similar, ...and/or
B - She followed the same old behavioral patterns and crossed the wrong person who offed her.
Let me tell you about the 'White Phantom'. The woman has some serious deep seated pain and subsequent mental issues.
Someone victimized her when she was just a little girl, and it basically ruined her for life. She suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorders of some kind, had codependency issues, and is a borderline nymphomaniac. It is the primary root cause why we failed as a couple. She is 'damaged goods'. She simply could not accept happiness. She was codependent on dysfunction to feel normal and in her comfort zone. I truly hope she has resolved her issues after so many years.
Our relationship consisted of a vicious cycle whereby things would be in order and going very smoothly, but would be wrecked all to hell for whatever trouble she would cause. We would clean up whatever mess she made, that I helped with, only for her to do it again as soon as all was well. I usually didn't respond well. I was young and immature and would usually blow up out of frustration, but nonetheless would stand by her and tolerate the mess as best as I knew how. Staying with her, tolerating it, was my codependency and lack of self esteem.
She is very intelligent, at least as intelligent as I am. And I have a gifted level I.Q. She is probably a genius.
We didn't have typical issues managing our lives as a lot of couples do. When it came to things like scheduling, finances, or whatever, we had our shit together. We were excellent at coordinating things as a team. All we had to do was try. It showed in a lot of things we did. It is one of the reasons why I married her. It was apparent in things like playing Spades. No one would play us because we always won. It didn't matter if we had a crappy hand or not. We would always make the very best of it, and it was not uncommon for us to take all 13 'tricks'. That's just how we were together.
My frustration was knowing how good we were together, and how much potential we had, but were unable to grow or get anywhere because she kept screwing it up. I think a lot of it had to do with my persistence and refusal to accept that it simply wasn't going to work. I loved her. I truly loved her and didn't want to bail on her. I exhibited as much patience as I could stand, ...and did she ever test it.
It finally ended because I came home from being out to sea to discover that she had run off with another man. That was the worst Christmas ever. I made sure to leave enough money in the bank to pay all of our bills and a little extra for miscellaneous expenses. Our budget was pretty tight, so I left everything to her, and only took a little for myself. We were going to have a 'small' Christmas because of lack of money, but we had everything we needed.
While out to sea, I had received a few hundred dollars from my travel reimbursement claim. It was the extra money that we needed to buy more gifts and for traveling to our home town to see family. I was so excited. It was going to be a great Christmas after all.
When we pulled into port, I was looking through the binoculars for my car and her standing on the pier. But she was nowhere in sight. My shipmate's wife gave me a ride home. When I asked her where my wife was, she was hesitant to break it to me. She tried to lie. But I knew. I had to pry it out of her that she had ran off(again).
We went to her house to talk about it, so that I could better assess the situation. Her husband was on the ship on duty till the next day. While we were talking, she kept fishing for compliments, subtly flirting with me with increasing assertiveness. I had just come home to a major disappointment, and my friend's wife was trying to fuck me. And it was out of resentment for my wife stealing the guy that she was cheating on her husband with. That dumb ass slinging dick muther fucker was banging both of our wives while we were out to sea serving our worthless country.
(A month later my shipmate and I got into an argument. He was bitching me out defending his 'friend'. I didn't have the heart to tell him that his friend had been banging his wife for months before my prettier wife came along. Nor did I tell him that his wife tried to cheat with me. What a messed situation. *blink* ...!?!?!?...*blink* I simply cut ties with all of them.)
After talking to his wife that day, I left and went and checked the bank account to find it empty, all of the checks written for the bills bounced, and that I was a couple of months behind on everything. The money had been used to pay for booze and hotel rooms for her and that asshole to get her pregnant. Of course, I didn't know she was pregnant at the time. I found that out months later when I called her father to find her for signing divorce papers.
Oddly enough, one of the things that bothered me most was that, along with all the other things, she took the expensive stainless steel cookware gifted to us by The Dormouse. She was cooking dinner for another man with the cookware given to me by the catch of the century, the epitome of a good woman. I was so distraught. I couldn't function. The utilities were cut off, and while all of the other sailors were spending time with their families and making love to their wives, I was sitting in a dark cold living room alone crying like a fucking baby.
I later confronted the guy about it, peacefully. We sat in his truck chatting for a while. I offered him a beer, but he wouldn't come into the house. He probably thought I was going to kill him. He was kind of a dumb ass, a meat head sack of testosterone, if you will. ...easy prey for her. Most of the conversation was me explaining to him that she had done this type of thing before, and that she was eventually going to do the same to him. I was basically saying "You want her?, ...please, PLEASE take her at your own risk. I am SOOOOO done with her bullshit."
I can go into more detail about just how screwed up the situation was, but I think you readers get it. I was a pathetic mess. That Jezebel I tried to turn into a wife, beat me up all over the place emotionally, ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I have not been the same since. I resented and hated her for years.
I got over it though, sort of, and only through a lot of soul searching, analyzing and understanding why she was the way she was. The girl had been deeply traumatized by what could only have been severe physical and sexual abuse as a small child. (Scars like that come from boiling water) She is just another example of why it is so SO important to raise your children with as much love as you can give to them.
I forgive her. I forgave her a long time ago. It still makes me sad thinking of what kind of woman she could have turned out to be had she not been 'damaged'. What a waste of a potentially beautiful creature.
I know you folks who violated my privacy listened to me talk a lot of evil angry shit about her. If you people are accusing me of something, it is understandable. But I have not harmed her in any way. I haven't seen her since 1997 when we met in Charleston SC, to sign divorce papers, or talked to her on the phone in 1999.
I applied for an apartment, and when the credit check came back, there were all kinds of delinquent hospital bills being charged to me for delivering a baby I did not make. I called the apartment office to see if I had been approved. The secretary explained that my credit was excellent, but then asked who 'White Phantom' was. I already knew. It was an "OMG, what now?" moment. I later called her dad to get her number. I called her up and asked that she promptly rectify the situation, that she call the creditors and explain herself. It was a short amicable conversation. That was the last time I ever talked to her.
As I mentioned above, when I searched for her online a couple of years ago, I found the same first and last name with the same social security number, but with several different middle names and addresses. She was obviously doing something fraudulent. That wasn't unlike her. I remember her once getting a fake ID so that she could get into bars. As intelligent as she is, there is no telling what kind of scam she is capable of. She is also apt to manipulate law and use it to her advantage. She's done that a few times too.
Her oldest child was living with family, thus there is reason to believe she is either in jail or dead or something. It wouldn't surprise me if she had pushed 'Mr. Meat-head-testosterone' to the breaking point, or maybe ran off to find another who simply whacked her over something. It wouldn't surprise me if 'Mr. Meat-head' helped her do something corrupt. He was anything but an honest man. It is no stretch to think that she could have ripped someone off for a lot of money who would rather simply kill her and dump her somewhere than to try to work it out. If you keep doing people dirty, it is bound to catch up with you. She is no exception.
(What happened to her? Is that why the man at the cemetery handed me that paper? Was it to get my fingerprints?)
She always had several temporary friends, but very few long term friends. It is because she consistently lied to and manipulated people, probably out of feelings of desperation and because that's all she knew. She had to always create the drama and dysfunction, never work towards stability and order or anything consistent.
That's the type of woman I remember. What I ever saw in her, I don't know. As messed up as it sounds, I feel kind of guilty that I could not love her enough to heal her heart. I would have saved her if I could.
I suspect she and others are a big part of why I find myself attracted to younger women. It isn't simply about vitality and 'fresh eggs' or a tone figure. No. It is more about catching them before they are ruined, while their heart is still true. Young women start out with a pure heart and keep it until someone breaks it, until the feminist bullshit and unnatural social expectations they were raised with doesn't work out for them. By the time they're 30 or 40, they are man-hating bitter crab-asses who won't admit they need love.
Somewhere in my head, I have this idea that if I can find a nice young woman who has had a decent upbringing, that wouldn't mind dating an older guy, that I may be able to nurture and protect, build and grow that pure heart of theirs to keep a wife worthy of all of my efforts, that I may have reason to give a damn.
At the same time, I have more or less given up on the idea of ever finding something worthwhile. I kind of don't care anymore. I have let myself go to some degree. With all the bullshit I have dealt with, and for as long as I have, it is probably too late anyway. I find myself simply waiting to die. Why bother to create a family and subject my children to such an evil world of enslavement and violence? Why bother trying to work hard for a woman who will just take without giving because that's what she was taught?
Fuck it, right?
Taco Twat, Macho Man and associates, ...I see what you people are doing with your spy-ops/psy-ops bullshit. I know psychology. You are speaking to the depths of my psyche as to motivate or lure me into a major disappointment and another perceived crushing experience of betrayal.
I see evidence of time travel, that I may have saved my beloved friend who is the closest thing to the Dormouse that I can think of. I see equal evidence that she is dead, never to be seen again. You are trying to use it to break me down. Lol. That happened a long time ago. I simply exist now.
Keep up your bullshit. Rest assured, the justice of Karma will get you.
I have been seeing cryptic references to things for a few years now. For about the last year, there have been a few references to my ex-wife. The context of the messages has been in a way that would require someones to go digging into legal records and in a context that makes me rather uneasy. Combined with what I found when searching online for her a couple of years ago, I think I see what is going on.
It says that;
A - Something bad happened to her, ...and
B - You suspect I had something to do with it.
Well, I didn't. But I do know her well, and I am going to make an educated guess that either;
A - She got into some legal trouble, possibly for fraud or something similar, ...and/or
B - She followed the same old behavioral patterns and crossed the wrong person who offed her.
Let me tell you about the 'White Phantom'. The woman has some serious deep seated pain and subsequent mental issues.
Someone victimized her when she was just a little girl, and it basically ruined her for life. She suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorders of some kind, had codependency issues, and is a borderline nymphomaniac. It is the primary root cause why we failed as a couple. She is 'damaged goods'. She simply could not accept happiness. She was codependent on dysfunction to feel normal and in her comfort zone. I truly hope she has resolved her issues after so many years.
Our relationship consisted of a vicious cycle whereby things would be in order and going very smoothly, but would be wrecked all to hell for whatever trouble she would cause. We would clean up whatever mess she made, that I helped with, only for her to do it again as soon as all was well. I usually didn't respond well. I was young and immature and would usually blow up out of frustration, but nonetheless would stand by her and tolerate the mess as best as I knew how. Staying with her, tolerating it, was my codependency and lack of self esteem.
She is very intelligent, at least as intelligent as I am. And I have a gifted level I.Q. She is probably a genius.
We didn't have typical issues managing our lives as a lot of couples do. When it came to things like scheduling, finances, or whatever, we had our shit together. We were excellent at coordinating things as a team. All we had to do was try. It showed in a lot of things we did. It is one of the reasons why I married her. It was apparent in things like playing Spades. No one would play us because we always won. It didn't matter if we had a crappy hand or not. We would always make the very best of it, and it was not uncommon for us to take all 13 'tricks'. That's just how we were together.
My frustration was knowing how good we were together, and how much potential we had, but were unable to grow or get anywhere because she kept screwing it up. I think a lot of it had to do with my persistence and refusal to accept that it simply wasn't going to work. I loved her. I truly loved her and didn't want to bail on her. I exhibited as much patience as I could stand, ...and did she ever test it.
It finally ended because I came home from being out to sea to discover that she had run off with another man. That was the worst Christmas ever. I made sure to leave enough money in the bank to pay all of our bills and a little extra for miscellaneous expenses. Our budget was pretty tight, so I left everything to her, and only took a little for myself. We were going to have a 'small' Christmas because of lack of money, but we had everything we needed.
While out to sea, I had received a few hundred dollars from my travel reimbursement claim. It was the extra money that we needed to buy more gifts and for traveling to our home town to see family. I was so excited. It was going to be a great Christmas after all.
When we pulled into port, I was looking through the binoculars for my car and her standing on the pier. But she was nowhere in sight. My shipmate's wife gave me a ride home. When I asked her where my wife was, she was hesitant to break it to me. She tried to lie. But I knew. I had to pry it out of her that she had ran off(again).
We went to her house to talk about it, so that I could better assess the situation. Her husband was on the ship on duty till the next day. While we were talking, she kept fishing for compliments, subtly flirting with me with increasing assertiveness. I had just come home to a major disappointment, and my friend's wife was trying to fuck me. And it was out of resentment for my wife stealing the guy that she was cheating on her husband with. That dumb ass slinging dick muther fucker was banging both of our wives while we were out to sea serving our worthless country.
(A month later my shipmate and I got into an argument. He was bitching me out defending his 'friend'. I didn't have the heart to tell him that his friend had been banging his wife for months before my prettier wife came along. Nor did I tell him that his wife tried to cheat with me. What a messed situation. *blink* ...!?!?!?...*blink* I simply cut ties with all of them.)
After talking to his wife that day, I left and went and checked the bank account to find it empty, all of the checks written for the bills bounced, and that I was a couple of months behind on everything. The money had been used to pay for booze and hotel rooms for her and that asshole to get her pregnant. Of course, I didn't know she was pregnant at the time. I found that out months later when I called her father to find her for signing divorce papers.
Oddly enough, one of the things that bothered me most was that, along with all the other things, she took the expensive stainless steel cookware gifted to us by The Dormouse. She was cooking dinner for another man with the cookware given to me by the catch of the century, the epitome of a good woman. I was so distraught. I couldn't function. The utilities were cut off, and while all of the other sailors were spending time with their families and making love to their wives, I was sitting in a dark cold living room alone crying like a fucking baby.
I later confronted the guy about it, peacefully. We sat in his truck chatting for a while. I offered him a beer, but he wouldn't come into the house. He probably thought I was going to kill him. He was kind of a dumb ass, a meat head sack of testosterone, if you will. ...easy prey for her. Most of the conversation was me explaining to him that she had done this type of thing before, and that she was eventually going to do the same to him. I was basically saying "You want her?, ...please, PLEASE take her at your own risk. I am SOOOOO done with her bullshit."
I can go into more detail about just how screwed up the situation was, but I think you readers get it. I was a pathetic mess. That Jezebel I tried to turn into a wife, beat me up all over the place emotionally, ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I have not been the same since. I resented and hated her for years.
I got over it though, sort of, and only through a lot of soul searching, analyzing and understanding why she was the way she was. The girl had been deeply traumatized by what could only have been severe physical and sexual abuse as a small child. (Scars like that come from boiling water) She is just another example of why it is so SO important to raise your children with as much love as you can give to them.
I forgive her. I forgave her a long time ago. It still makes me sad thinking of what kind of woman she could have turned out to be had she not been 'damaged'. What a waste of a potentially beautiful creature.
I know you folks who violated my privacy listened to me talk a lot of evil angry shit about her. If you people are accusing me of something, it is understandable. But I have not harmed her in any way. I haven't seen her since 1997 when we met in Charleston SC, to sign divorce papers, or talked to her on the phone in 1999.
I applied for an apartment, and when the credit check came back, there were all kinds of delinquent hospital bills being charged to me for delivering a baby I did not make. I called the apartment office to see if I had been approved. The secretary explained that my credit was excellent, but then asked who 'White Phantom' was. I already knew. It was an "OMG, what now?" moment. I later called her dad to get her number. I called her up and asked that she promptly rectify the situation, that she call the creditors and explain herself. It was a short amicable conversation. That was the last time I ever talked to her.
As I mentioned above, when I searched for her online a couple of years ago, I found the same first and last name with the same social security number, but with several different middle names and addresses. She was obviously doing something fraudulent. That wasn't unlike her. I remember her once getting a fake ID so that she could get into bars. As intelligent as she is, there is no telling what kind of scam she is capable of. She is also apt to manipulate law and use it to her advantage. She's done that a few times too.
Her oldest child was living with family, thus there is reason to believe she is either in jail or dead or something. It wouldn't surprise me if she had pushed 'Mr. Meat-head-testosterone' to the breaking point, or maybe ran off to find another who simply whacked her over something. It wouldn't surprise me if 'Mr. Meat-head' helped her do something corrupt. He was anything but an honest man. It is no stretch to think that she could have ripped someone off for a lot of money who would rather simply kill her and dump her somewhere than to try to work it out. If you keep doing people dirty, it is bound to catch up with you. She is no exception.
(What happened to her? Is that why the man at the cemetery handed me that paper? Was it to get my fingerprints?)
She always had several temporary friends, but very few long term friends. It is because she consistently lied to and manipulated people, probably out of feelings of desperation and because that's all she knew. She had to always create the drama and dysfunction, never work towards stability and order or anything consistent.
That's the type of woman I remember. What I ever saw in her, I don't know. As messed up as it sounds, I feel kind of guilty that I could not love her enough to heal her heart. I would have saved her if I could.
I suspect she and others are a big part of why I find myself attracted to younger women. It isn't simply about vitality and 'fresh eggs' or a tone figure. No. It is more about catching them before they are ruined, while their heart is still true. Young women start out with a pure heart and keep it until someone breaks it, until the feminist bullshit and unnatural social expectations they were raised with doesn't work out for them. By the time they're 30 or 40, they are man-hating bitter crab-asses who won't admit they need love.
Somewhere in my head, I have this idea that if I can find a nice young woman who has had a decent upbringing, that wouldn't mind dating an older guy, that I may be able to nurture and protect, build and grow that pure heart of theirs to keep a wife worthy of all of my efforts, that I may have reason to give a damn.
At the same time, I have more or less given up on the idea of ever finding something worthwhile. I kind of don't care anymore. I have let myself go to some degree. With all the bullshit I have dealt with, and for as long as I have, it is probably too late anyway. I find myself simply waiting to die. Why bother to create a family and subject my children to such an evil world of enslavement and violence? Why bother trying to work hard for a woman who will just take without giving because that's what she was taught?
Fuck it, right?
Taco Twat, Macho Man and associates, ...I see what you people are doing with your spy-ops/psy-ops bullshit. I know psychology. You are speaking to the depths of my psyche as to motivate or lure me into a major disappointment and another perceived crushing experience of betrayal.
I see evidence of time travel, that I may have saved my beloved friend who is the closest thing to the Dormouse that I can think of. I see equal evidence that she is dead, never to be seen again. You are trying to use it to break me down. Lol. That happened a long time ago. I simply exist now.
Keep up your bullshit. Rest assured, the justice of Karma will get you.
Hey you,
My God, you are beautiful! ...truly incredible, amazing, and every other awesome word I can think of.
Scratch that last song, and a few other posts. Do you realize what you're doing to me? You drive me absolutely crazy. It is almost unbearable.
O.K., So, lemme get this straight... You knew then. You knew I would figure it out today. You found a way to tell me so, today. And it fits not only the cover and the verses, but the crop circle too? What else am I missing? ..besides the obvious.
WOW! This is so real it is unreal. ...like WOW! Unbelievable.
Why do you not hate me? ...or do you?
My God, you are beautiful! ...truly incredible, amazing, and every other awesome word I can think of.
Scratch that last song, and a few other posts. Do you realize what you're doing to me? You drive me absolutely crazy. It is almost unbearable.
O.K., So, lemme get this straight... You knew then. You knew I would figure it out today. You found a way to tell me so, today. And it fits not only the cover and the verses, but the crop circle too? What else am I missing? ..besides the obvious.
WOW! This is so real it is unreal. ...like WOW! Unbelievable.
Why do you not hate me? ...or do you?