this is abit of a long story about why my life is screwed up. it involves theorys i made on time travel and a crisis of faith\the after effects of that happened because of my broken sanity.
in the end it ends with one big question and a couple of smaller questions\statements.
your free to read it and try to help or to ignore it or to laugh at what a doomed fool i was\am.
its not your problem its mine. but be glad it is NOT your problem as it is a pretty bad one..
so along time ago i was in a mess and being locked in a closet for things i did not do.
this happened every day for a very long time, i could not find a solution and no one would believe the truth when i tried to explain it to them,
so i attempted to call for assistance from higher powers.
i called on all higher powers\gods i could think of,
begging them to get me out of there now, or atleast that week. promising to become their loyal servant for the rest of my days if they would but release me from the torment i faced of being punished for acts i did not do and yet was framed for every day (and because the one framing me had friends to help lie for him and act as witness's to a non existent act i was seen as the liar because apparently in the minds of the authority i was under, the statements of 4 liars outweighs the statements of 1 truthful person.)
a week later i was more desperate so i begged to the gods\higher powers to help me once more and i began attempting to focus and forge my pain and suffering and lack of justice into bindings for myself to willingly remove my free will as proof of my loyalty to what ever power would free me,
still nothing saved me and i was left another week of torment being locked in the closet for hours and hours each day.
i called upon "the unknown gods\unknown powers and powerful beings that might not be gods"
begging them to help me and offering them the same deal. eternal servitude for simply free'ing me that week. Again nothing helped me.
at this point my grip on sanity finally slipped and i resorted to asking any\all powers including the dark and evil ones, attempting to offer my soul as payment as well as eternal servitude if i would just be free'ed from my current mess, thus accepting an eternity of suffering in hell upon my death to get out of a current finite but still very long suffering in life. (like i said.. lost grip on sanity, made a bad call.)
all this if i would just be free'ed that week...
and yet the week passed and ended and i was still stuck in the cycle of suckyness as always.
finally i decided to try something abit more unorthodox.
"if the powers that be refuse to help me. then i will help myself, i will return to this point in the future and save myself from this horrid mess!" but my future self never came. so i thought "why am i not coming?.. well why would i not help -my- past self out of a mess?. i suppose because 1: time travel might not be so easy to obtain\perform.. and 2: why would i go back when its no longer my problem?."
so i decided to -make- it my future self's problem to -force- him to come back and save me. i promised myself i would. i still did not show up. i promised myself id put the restraints on myself later to force my self to go back in time with the same loyalty brainwashing id been preparing to use to bind myself as a slave to some religion\god\force or another that i had been building\strengthening all those weeks i was locked up in the hopes it would get me out of the mess by proving my loyalty would be ensured. and to instead use this to slave myself to my -past- self at the point of the mess.
my future self still never came.
then i had a long thought about the nature of the universe and time travel in general and i thought the reason i was not coming back must be because i was afraid of causing a paradox, for if i saved myself what reason could i have to save myself?. so i force programmed\brainwashed myself really hard that whether or not i saved myself i -would- go back to save my past self. that way if the multiverse was full of universes like our own, some ahead of the one i was living in would probably do the same thing. then they could save me. and i could save another universes me. and they could save yet another universes me. etc, infinitely down the line in a chain. maybe even save myself a few times so it branch's out into infinity and only the first me did not get help from a me from the future.
where as if parallel universe time travel did not exist it would ensure both states of the paradox had the same outcome. if i "did" save myself then id still have to save myself not for any logical reason. but because i ordered myself to do so prior to being saved by myself. and if i "did not" save myself i would still have to go back and save myself, not for any logical reason. but because i ordered myself to do so prior to being saved by myself.
thus both sides of the paradox end the same. with me doing all i can to save myself. meaning the universe should not get caught in a loop if there is only a single time line to work with because the loop would stabilize into "i saved myself so i did save myself so i did save myself so i did save myself" ad infinum.
thus theoretically allowing my future self to save me after this point was created with out any paradox being created.
yet it still did not work. my future self did not come..
i spent my remaining time every day i was locked in the closet trying to brainwash myself further and locking in contingencys for every possible thing i could think of to try and force myself to come back in time. eventually i came to the conclusion that my future self must either be dead, or not be myself at all, for surly myself would save myself given all these precautions i had taken?.
i ended up creating a sort of... biological ai?.. split personality..?.. im unsure what to call it.
but its job was to carry out the mission of subjugating my future self and forcing him to come back in time whether or not it was my future selfs problem or not. and if he didn't want to then its job was to -make- it his problem until he -did- come back in time and help. only -then- would he be free of it.
i kept trying to improve its survivability in the hopes of ensuring it would survive what ever "overwrite" process surely erased me in the future and turned me into what ever monster refused to come back in time and save me. (As i said before. i sorta lost my grip on sanity back then.)
so then i thought "maybe only information can come back in time" and i tried to open my mind
and receive any information from the future or persona of my future self trying to come back that way they could help get me out of that mess. i figured the construct i built could help guard against any nasty stuff that i wanted to kick out of my head after it got there. but i was trying to basically "summon" knowledge or information from the future into myself at that point in the hopes there might be some Other way instead of doing the "force my future self into it with a construct" route.. it did not work. nothing came. so i continued working on the construct and the "force my future self to come back" plan and made other supporting stuff like stuff for that plan to ensure it -would- lock in later down the line whether i liked it or not.
eventually the problem of being locked in the closet ended on its own. but by now i was too scared of the other threat. the fact i did not obey my past self and show up in the past. it seamed like my existence was only going to last for a short while longer before i would become no more..
so i continued programming the construct in my brain for years in the hope i could use it to prevent myself from being overwrote\force it to take vengeance upon what ever overwrote me out of existence if it did so. and when i was not doing that i was following the philosophy of "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!" and i tried to live my life to its fullest, expecting myself to be dead or no longer myself before long. i lived like each day was my last because i thought it would be.
eventually at a certain age i knew a forced code was about to trigger to lock the code in and prevent me from editing anything ever again as well as to scramble my memory of much of how i did what i did and to pretty much destroy hide and render inaccessible and unusable to me everything i had used to build my prison. for i had known the same tools used to build it would be able to be what destroyed it and if i destroyed it it would not bind me as my past self intended.
i had already bound myself to perform this action and allow it to happen. but i could still make edits for a few weeks.
fearing my time was almost -certainly- up within the next few months i programmed a second construct in my brain with the tools for the remaining time i had them.. i spent weeks in the attic chanting to myself to reinforce everything i had built, and to build the second construct with orders to work with the first and to kill my physical shell if i could not complete the objective. for i was that certain i would either be dead. or be overwrote with an evil version of myself who would no longer be me but instead use what was once me to harm others. and i did not want it to survive long enough to be a burned to anyone else.
so i programmed and built as much additional stuff as i could (i dont remember much about the specifics. only that i worked really hard on it and felt a sense of accomplishment and that it was a masterpiece\the best mind code i ever built just before i forgot everything.)
i continued to live life to its fullest but i did not often ask why.. but then as the thoughts and feelings and compulsions popped up i began to remember bits and pieces of my past that i had hidden from myself. i kept asking why and i kept forgetting but i kept asking why again, and gradually i stopped forgetting until i was no longer forgetting anything further anymore.
eventually i got enough pieces back to reconstruct the pieces of what happened.
and to my horror i found i was still myself, still unchanged, and still alive.. and locked in my mind
with the horrific death trap i had built there to kill the usurper who i just -knew- was going to take over when i made it.. but as i grew older my sanity returned to me, and i realized just how horribly mistaken i was, as well as how doomed i was..
now i sit here at this computer as my rights\capacity's to function are slowly taken away each year bit by bit by the mental constructs. one wants me dead and or suffering until -i- want to be dead.
the other demands i fulfill the mission given by my past self and acts as my puppet master, demanding that i do as i was programmed to.
but the best programming in the world can not make a thing fly when it has no means to do so.
so now i pretty much need to find a way to travel into the past and either help my past self. or convince him to unlock my bindings, for only he has the key to unlock me.
and i cant lie to him. and i have to follow any order he gives me because of the programming he put in me. so i cant Trick him into doing anything because the constructs i built in my brain out of mental coding would stop me.
So that basically just leaves one big fat critical question.
How do i Go Back In Time or in some other way Get Out Of This Mess before it finally wears me down enough to Kill Me.?.
i dont care if i have to wipe my entire personality by erasing this version of myself from ever having existed due to edits in the past and some other version of myself suddenly existing instead. it would be a preferable end to the slow death the dark construct has planned for me.
so anybody got a solution to this mess that does not end in my death?..
cause i really need to find one. (and most places ive checked for answers to this question dont understand time travel at all.)
how does time travel really work anyways?. and what methods are possible?.
i really need some way to Contact my past self or better yet, complete my mission so i can finally be free of this mess ive stuck myself in. (i would be willing to perform a favor or offer some form of compensation to somebody if the time travel method they share successfully lets me complete the mission or atleast grants me an extension on life due to the constructs not killing me as soon.)
how many timelines are there? are there parallel universes or just one?.
are we in some kind of "alpha" timeline where we are ahead of all the other possibilitys?
or am i just never going to make any time travel journeys in my lifetime?. ( this Seams to be the most probable reason why i have not time traveled into the past so far)
using a real working form of time travel known to people on this forum, would i be able to at-least go ask my past self for an extension on time\rights until i can gain access to a proper time machine?. (id be fine with spending the rest of my life trying to MAKE a proper time machine as long as i -HAVE- a "rest of my life" to SPEND doing so and that the "rest of my life" is not just 5 to 10 more years of gradually decreasing capacity to function.. of course in my current state with access to my current resources and knowledge im unable to really get anywhere with building much myself, hence the need for an extension of time till the constructs kill me off and the regaining of the capacity's of basic functionality they've stolen from me..)
side note: some of my favorite disney movies changed on me when i was a little kid. the VHS tapes showed edited parts and missing parts and completely different parts. but it was the same tape.
this felt more like a "time retcon" or a "world edited around me" to me then time travel, but its an event i clearly recall happening.
is this the only way time travel works?. and if so.. what causes this effect and is there any way to make it work on myself to "update" myself into having saved myself from that mess or into never having been in that mess some how?.
in the end it ends with one big question and a couple of smaller questions\statements.
your free to read it and try to help or to ignore it or to laugh at what a doomed fool i was\am.
its not your problem its mine. but be glad it is NOT your problem as it is a pretty bad one..
so along time ago i was in a mess and being locked in a closet for things i did not do.
this happened every day for a very long time, i could not find a solution and no one would believe the truth when i tried to explain it to them,
so i attempted to call for assistance from higher powers.
i called on all higher powers\gods i could think of,
begging them to get me out of there now, or atleast that week. promising to become their loyal servant for the rest of my days if they would but release me from the torment i faced of being punished for acts i did not do and yet was framed for every day (and because the one framing me had friends to help lie for him and act as witness's to a non existent act i was seen as the liar because apparently in the minds of the authority i was under, the statements of 4 liars outweighs the statements of 1 truthful person.)
a week later i was more desperate so i begged to the gods\higher powers to help me once more and i began attempting to focus and forge my pain and suffering and lack of justice into bindings for myself to willingly remove my free will as proof of my loyalty to what ever power would free me,
still nothing saved me and i was left another week of torment being locked in the closet for hours and hours each day.
i called upon "the unknown gods\unknown powers and powerful beings that might not be gods"
begging them to help me and offering them the same deal. eternal servitude for simply free'ing me that week. Again nothing helped me.
at this point my grip on sanity finally slipped and i resorted to asking any\all powers including the dark and evil ones, attempting to offer my soul as payment as well as eternal servitude if i would just be free'ed from my current mess, thus accepting an eternity of suffering in hell upon my death to get out of a current finite but still very long suffering in life. (like i said.. lost grip on sanity, made a bad call.)
all this if i would just be free'ed that week...
and yet the week passed and ended and i was still stuck in the cycle of suckyness as always.
finally i decided to try something abit more unorthodox.
"if the powers that be refuse to help me. then i will help myself, i will return to this point in the future and save myself from this horrid mess!" but my future self never came. so i thought "why am i not coming?.. well why would i not help -my- past self out of a mess?. i suppose because 1: time travel might not be so easy to obtain\perform.. and 2: why would i go back when its no longer my problem?."
so i decided to -make- it my future self's problem to -force- him to come back and save me. i promised myself i would. i still did not show up. i promised myself id put the restraints on myself later to force my self to go back in time with the same loyalty brainwashing id been preparing to use to bind myself as a slave to some religion\god\force or another that i had been building\strengthening all those weeks i was locked up in the hopes it would get me out of the mess by proving my loyalty would be ensured. and to instead use this to slave myself to my -past- self at the point of the mess.
my future self still never came.
then i had a long thought about the nature of the universe and time travel in general and i thought the reason i was not coming back must be because i was afraid of causing a paradox, for if i saved myself what reason could i have to save myself?. so i force programmed\brainwashed myself really hard that whether or not i saved myself i -would- go back to save my past self. that way if the multiverse was full of universes like our own, some ahead of the one i was living in would probably do the same thing. then they could save me. and i could save another universes me. and they could save yet another universes me. etc, infinitely down the line in a chain. maybe even save myself a few times so it branch's out into infinity and only the first me did not get help from a me from the future.
where as if parallel universe time travel did not exist it would ensure both states of the paradox had the same outcome. if i "did" save myself then id still have to save myself not for any logical reason. but because i ordered myself to do so prior to being saved by myself. and if i "did not" save myself i would still have to go back and save myself, not for any logical reason. but because i ordered myself to do so prior to being saved by myself.
thus both sides of the paradox end the same. with me doing all i can to save myself. meaning the universe should not get caught in a loop if there is only a single time line to work with because the loop would stabilize into "i saved myself so i did save myself so i did save myself so i did save myself" ad infinum.
thus theoretically allowing my future self to save me after this point was created with out any paradox being created.
yet it still did not work. my future self did not come..
i spent my remaining time every day i was locked in the closet trying to brainwash myself further and locking in contingencys for every possible thing i could think of to try and force myself to come back in time. eventually i came to the conclusion that my future self must either be dead, or not be myself at all, for surly myself would save myself given all these precautions i had taken?.
i ended up creating a sort of... biological ai?.. split personality..?.. im unsure what to call it.
but its job was to carry out the mission of subjugating my future self and forcing him to come back in time whether or not it was my future selfs problem or not. and if he didn't want to then its job was to -make- it his problem until he -did- come back in time and help. only -then- would he be free of it.
i kept trying to improve its survivability in the hopes of ensuring it would survive what ever "overwrite" process surely erased me in the future and turned me into what ever monster refused to come back in time and save me. (As i said before. i sorta lost my grip on sanity back then.)
so then i thought "maybe only information can come back in time" and i tried to open my mind
and receive any information from the future or persona of my future self trying to come back that way they could help get me out of that mess. i figured the construct i built could help guard against any nasty stuff that i wanted to kick out of my head after it got there. but i was trying to basically "summon" knowledge or information from the future into myself at that point in the hopes there might be some Other way instead of doing the "force my future self into it with a construct" route.. it did not work. nothing came. so i continued working on the construct and the "force my future self to come back" plan and made other supporting stuff like stuff for that plan to ensure it -would- lock in later down the line whether i liked it or not.
eventually the problem of being locked in the closet ended on its own. but by now i was too scared of the other threat. the fact i did not obey my past self and show up in the past. it seamed like my existence was only going to last for a short while longer before i would become no more..
so i continued programming the construct in my brain for years in the hope i could use it to prevent myself from being overwrote\force it to take vengeance upon what ever overwrote me out of existence if it did so. and when i was not doing that i was following the philosophy of "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!" and i tried to live my life to its fullest, expecting myself to be dead or no longer myself before long. i lived like each day was my last because i thought it would be.
eventually at a certain age i knew a forced code was about to trigger to lock the code in and prevent me from editing anything ever again as well as to scramble my memory of much of how i did what i did and to pretty much destroy hide and render inaccessible and unusable to me everything i had used to build my prison. for i had known the same tools used to build it would be able to be what destroyed it and if i destroyed it it would not bind me as my past self intended.
i had already bound myself to perform this action and allow it to happen. but i could still make edits for a few weeks.
fearing my time was almost -certainly- up within the next few months i programmed a second construct in my brain with the tools for the remaining time i had them.. i spent weeks in the attic chanting to myself to reinforce everything i had built, and to build the second construct with orders to work with the first and to kill my physical shell if i could not complete the objective. for i was that certain i would either be dead. or be overwrote with an evil version of myself who would no longer be me but instead use what was once me to harm others. and i did not want it to survive long enough to be a burned to anyone else.
so i programmed and built as much additional stuff as i could (i dont remember much about the specifics. only that i worked really hard on it and felt a sense of accomplishment and that it was a masterpiece\the best mind code i ever built just before i forgot everything.)
i continued to live life to its fullest but i did not often ask why.. but then as the thoughts and feelings and compulsions popped up i began to remember bits and pieces of my past that i had hidden from myself. i kept asking why and i kept forgetting but i kept asking why again, and gradually i stopped forgetting until i was no longer forgetting anything further anymore.
eventually i got enough pieces back to reconstruct the pieces of what happened.
and to my horror i found i was still myself, still unchanged, and still alive.. and locked in my mind
with the horrific death trap i had built there to kill the usurper who i just -knew- was going to take over when i made it.. but as i grew older my sanity returned to me, and i realized just how horribly mistaken i was, as well as how doomed i was..
now i sit here at this computer as my rights\capacity's to function are slowly taken away each year bit by bit by the mental constructs. one wants me dead and or suffering until -i- want to be dead.
the other demands i fulfill the mission given by my past self and acts as my puppet master, demanding that i do as i was programmed to.
but the best programming in the world can not make a thing fly when it has no means to do so.
so now i pretty much need to find a way to travel into the past and either help my past self. or convince him to unlock my bindings, for only he has the key to unlock me.
and i cant lie to him. and i have to follow any order he gives me because of the programming he put in me. so i cant Trick him into doing anything because the constructs i built in my brain out of mental coding would stop me.
So that basically just leaves one big fat critical question.
How do i Go Back In Time or in some other way Get Out Of This Mess before it finally wears me down enough to Kill Me.?.
i dont care if i have to wipe my entire personality by erasing this version of myself from ever having existed due to edits in the past and some other version of myself suddenly existing instead. it would be a preferable end to the slow death the dark construct has planned for me.
so anybody got a solution to this mess that does not end in my death?..
cause i really need to find one. (and most places ive checked for answers to this question dont understand time travel at all.)
how does time travel really work anyways?. and what methods are possible?.
i really need some way to Contact my past self or better yet, complete my mission so i can finally be free of this mess ive stuck myself in. (i would be willing to perform a favor or offer some form of compensation to somebody if the time travel method they share successfully lets me complete the mission or atleast grants me an extension on life due to the constructs not killing me as soon.)
how many timelines are there? are there parallel universes or just one?.
are we in some kind of "alpha" timeline where we are ahead of all the other possibilitys?
or am i just never going to make any time travel journeys in my lifetime?. ( this Seams to be the most probable reason why i have not time traveled into the past so far)
using a real working form of time travel known to people on this forum, would i be able to at-least go ask my past self for an extension on time\rights until i can gain access to a proper time machine?. (id be fine with spending the rest of my life trying to MAKE a proper time machine as long as i -HAVE- a "rest of my life" to SPEND doing so and that the "rest of my life" is not just 5 to 10 more years of gradually decreasing capacity to function.. of course in my current state with access to my current resources and knowledge im unable to really get anywhere with building much myself, hence the need for an extension of time till the constructs kill me off and the regaining of the capacity's of basic functionality they've stolen from me..)
side note: some of my favorite disney movies changed on me when i was a little kid. the VHS tapes showed edited parts and missing parts and completely different parts. but it was the same tape.
this felt more like a "time retcon" or a "world edited around me" to me then time travel, but its an event i clearly recall happening.
is this the only way time travel works?. and if so.. what causes this effect and is there any way to make it work on myself to "update" myself into having saved myself from that mess or into never having been in that mess some how?.
