Attribute or Fault?

[Doc Brown]

Attribute or Fault?

Something I was musing today...do you see shyness as a character attribute or a character fault?

I'm a very shy person myself, and I tend to see it as an attribute to my character, rather than a flaw. I'm generally happy being shy, and I tend to get on well with shy people - I don't know many that are as shy as I am, but those I do know tend to be quiet, gentle, meek and hard-working.

That's not to say that being shy doesn't have its faults, as I can become very awkward when meeting new people, and at certain social functions. I'm not very sociable anyway (I'm in the sixth form, which is where English schoolkids go to take A-levels for two years before they go to university.) There's a sixth form party seemingly every month, and I've never been to one of them! I can sometimes be scared of talking to people at the checkout tills in supermarkets. I'll never start a conversation with somebody I don't know - if somebody strange talks to me, I will repsond, although I'll be very nervous and awkward until I warm up to them a bit. I'm sometimes shy of talking to some people I know quite well, such as teachers at school. The other week, in fact, I was attempting to talk to a teacher - he doesn't teach me for anything now, but he about four years ago - I was having a terrible time. I stammered two words, faltered, tailed off, gaped like a fish, stammered a few more words again, then just shut my mouth altogether.

But although being shy can sometimes place me in embarrassing and awkward situations, I generally feel good about this aspect of my personality. I just wondered what you think of shyness and shy people in general. Do you know any shy people? Are you shy yourself? Do you see shyness as an attribute or a flaw?

The Shy Kid

 

[StarLord]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

Just imagine everybody you mees in their underware. It's a great public speaking technique. Just don't dawdle on the young ladies too much.
Comparing yourself to other people or relying too heavy on what society considers 'normal' is a waste of time. Be Yourself. If folks get caught up in being judgemental towards you it's their loss.

 

[Doc Brown]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

Just don't dawdle on the young ladies too much.QUOTE]

Hi Starlord

I certainly wouldn't do that, since I'm a female myself.

But anyway, thanks for the advice. I don't feel pressurised at this moment to conform to what most teenagers in my school feel is "normal." In fact, my sister, who is two years younger than I am (she's 14) tells me several times how weird I am. But I take that as a compliment.

Actually, at another forum I go to, I've been described as "barking", "mad" and a "loveable lunatic." I think the general consensus on that forum that I'm a little mad has come about because of my outlandish tales of my adventures in alternate realities, and my imaginary friends. I tend to be attracted to people who are slightly eccentric too.

 

[thenumbersix]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

Madness is good, but like everything nice, only in moderation..

 

[ironside100]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

I find shyness to be a character flaw. I myself am incredibly shy and it holds me back in everyday life. I never take chances and live a very dull life, I wish I had the courage to go out and do things but im just too reclusive. I regret it every day of my life. I am trying to break the current trend but it is very hard.

I would advice you to be as outgoing as possible.

Also im lazy.............

 

[thenumbersix]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

I used to be very shy as I grew up and into my 20s. You mention your laziness, don't worry most of us are inherently lazy, don't let this be an excuse, do you drink or take drugs ?

I also found the realisation that not everybody in the world is watching and judging yourself to have been a great help. And also, if they are judging, you have to wonder what their reasons are, they are usually not nice, ie. to put you down, as they see you as an easy target due to the shyness, with the ultimate goal of boosting their own fragile ego, this is a common scenraio and the fault lies with them, not you, see them for the thoughtless and scared people they are !

Keep telling yourself that you really don't give a **** what others think but not to the point of being rude or totally arrogant (a little is ok in helping get yourself out of this rut, it can be dealt with later in your life if it becomes an issue). If you feel like doing something, then do it and see it through to the point that you either start finding you're enjoying it, or until you realise you don't actually like it, in that case try something else.

Don't allow yourself to go to the other extreme and become a ridiculous extrovert, try and find a happy medium or you will keep going from one extreme to the other, as an extrovert you will be more prone to being 'knocked back' to your shy state until you 'boost' yourself out of it again and most likely will become even more extrovert the next to be knocked back to a greater shyness... etc. in a never ending loop..

Shyness is not that bad a character flaw, you might find that a lot of people will see you as thoughtful and considerate as you don't jump up and start shouting whatever bull**** comes into your head at the time.

Don't be dissapointed if you don't change overnight, don't be afraid of other people, behind all of their brashness they are just as petrified by social pressures as yourself, they are simply dealing with it in another way..This is an important point, try to see that other people are afraid, in certain situations that you find worrying about yourself, see how they deal with it, even confide in a good friend you can trust to be discrete, gain understanding in social interaction, people watch (is a fascinating sport).

You have made the first step by posting your worries here, that shows a lot more strength than you would believe, focus now on the next positive step you want to take, if it doesn't go fully to plan, don't worry, just try again !

Don't chose something monumental either like asking a complete stranger out, though if someone sparks up a conversation with you and the fear jumps up in your throat try and get out a few words, offer him/her a drink or excuse yourself for a second. While you're away calm yourself down, breath slowly rationalise the situation - They started to speak with you, they like you or find you interesting or just want a chat- Once calm go back and continue. Even if you think you made a hash of it don't worry there are more fish in the sea, besides they will more likely see that you are just shy and find that endearing and will think you brave cos you are dealing with it.

A simpler exercise, try ordering at a bar or when at a shop counter, do it without feeling fear, they are there to serve you and they see hundreds of people a night, what makes you different ? Keep thinking about it as you do it, very quickly you can rationalise your fear and you will conquer it ! There is never a point of failure that can not be overcome with persistence. Your friends will see a slow change in you and soon enough one of them will point out that 'you seem happier' or something along those lines.

 

[ironside100]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

thats good advice, i can relate to those problems that you mentioned, thanks for your help freind!

 

[Doc Brown]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

I agree with Ironside, thanks for the advice. I'm generally happy being shy, except for the times when it inevitably lands me in embarrassing situations, so I'll take heed of what you've posted, Thenumbersix.

But shyness isn't the only cause of my limited social life. I tend to enjoy being alone for most of the time anyway. Some of the time, it's not just that I'm too shy to make friends, it can just simply be that I'd rather be on my own and would rather not hang out with them. There are people I talk to and get on with at school, but I never see them outside of school. They're not huge buddies or anything like that.

 

[thenumbersix]

Re: Attribute or Fault?

Doc, understand totally. But, if you stay within social circles a bit you will occasionaly find people that you can relate to, they are out there, they just aren't quite as obvious as most 'normal' people.

Glad to be of help ironside100