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Funny Newspaper Headlines.
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<blockquote data-quote="Phoenix" data-source="post: 3509" data-attributes="member: 10"><p><strong>Funny Newspaper Headlines.</strong></p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.armenianteens.com/newspaper.php" target="_blank">http://www.armenianteens.com/newspaper.php</a></p><p>Funny newspaper headlines </p><p></p><p>(collected by journalists)</p><p>- Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says</p><p>- Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers</p><p>- Saftey Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted</p><p>- Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case</p><p>- Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents</p><p>- Farmer Bill Dies In House</p><p>- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms</p><p>- Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?</p><p>- Stud Tires Out</p><p>- Prostitutes Appeal To Pope</p><p>- Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over</p><p>- Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again</p><p>- British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands</p><p>- Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms</p><p>- Eye Drops Off Shelf</p><p>- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids</p><p>- Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead</p><p>- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim</p><p>- Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to</p><p>- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax</p><p>- Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told</p><p>- Miners Refuse to Work After Death</p><p>- Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant</p><p>- Stolen Painting Found By Tree</p><p>- Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies</p><p>- Two Sisters Reunited After Years In Checkout Counter</p><p>- Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In Years</p><p>- Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One</p><p>- Drunken Drivers Paid $ in '</p><p>- War Dims Hope For Peace</p><p>- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While</p><p>- Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures</p><p>- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide</p><p>- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge</p><p>- Deer Kill ,</p><p>- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead</p><p>- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge</p><p>- New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group</p><p>- Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft</p><p>- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks</p><p>- Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy</p><p>- Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire</p><p>- British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply</p><p>- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood</p><p>- Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees</p><p>- Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half</p><p>- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies</p><p>- Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing</p><p>- Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing</p><p>- Air Head Fired</p><p>- Steals Clock, Faces Time</p><p>- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff</p><p>- Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni</p><p>- Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board</p><p>- Hospitals are Sued By Foot Doctors</p><p>- Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction</p><p>- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training</p><p>- Include Your Children When Baking Cookies</p><p>- Guini-pig judge Quits - Sunday Express;</p><p>- Mice to be bombed - Today;</p><p>- Irish peat bog rocked by great sheep explosion - Independant;</p><p>- Mobile phone threat to universe;</p><p>- Swedish jet hijacked by bread roll - Int Herald Trib;</p><p>- Damp patches discovered on sun - New scientist;</p><p>- Husband bites wife's 'thing' - The Monitor (Uganda);</p><p>- Physicist recommends bigger balls to slow down male tennis players - Guardian</p><p>- Objections raised to quake aid for aliens - Washington Times;</p><p>- Ferries must stay afloat in worst of storms, say safety engineers - Guardian</p><p>- New tabloid 'owned by god' - Kitchener (Ontario);</p><p>- Elves loose - Daily Echo;</p><p>- Mexican leader crashes to Earth - Guardian;</p><p>- Armageddon could threaten United's Promotion push - West Cumbria News & Star;</p><p>- Explosion of Professors at universities - Sunday Times;</p><p>- Hairdo kills Mum - Daily Mirror;</p><p>- French Minister 'condoned Police shooting of Aliens' - Guardian;</p><p>- NASA briefly loses contact with Atlantis - Lewiston (ME);</p><p>- hurt as students demand right to cheat - Canberra Times;</p><p>- Giantkillers stretch town to the limit - Falmouth Packet</p><p>- Children's Stool Great for Use in Garden</p><p>- Stud Tires Out</p><p>- Stiff Opposition to Casketless Funeral Plan</p><p>- Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case</p><p>- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms</p><p>- Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped</p><p>- Columnist Gets Urologist in Trouble with His Peers</p><p>- New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead</p><p>- New Missouri U. Chancellor Expects Little Sex</p><p>- 12 On Their Way to Cruise Among Dead in Plane Crash</p><p>- N.J. Judge to Rule on Nude Beach</p><p>- Chou Remains Cremated</p><p>- Chinese Apeman Dated</p><p>- Hershey Bars Protest</p><p>- Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead</p><p>- Deer Kill 130,000</p><p>- Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly</p><p>- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim</p><p>- Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish</p><p>- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant</p><p>- Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say</p><p>- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers</p><p>- Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted</p><p>- Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents</p><p>- Farmer Bill dies in house</p><p>- Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?</p><p>- Prostitutes appeal to Pope</p><p>- Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over</p><p>- Soviet virgin lands short of goal again</p><p>- British left waffles on Falkland Islands</p><p>- Eye drops off shelf</p><p>- Teacher strikes idle kids</p><p>- Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66</p><p>- Enraged cow injures farmer with ax</p><p>- Plane too close to ground, crash probe told</p><p>- Miners refuse to work after death</p><p>- Stolen painting found by tree</p><p>- Two soviet ships collide, one dies</p><p>- 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter</p><p>- Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years</p><p>- Never withhold herpes infection from loved one</p><p>- Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84</p><p>- If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while</p><p>- Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide</p><p>- Two cars were reported stolen by the Groveton police yesterday.</p><p>- We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.</p><p>- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures --Daily Sun-Post (San Clemente, CA) 1/17/77</p><p>- Sneak Attack by Soviet Bloc Not Foreseen --The Atlanta Journal 4/4/79</p><p>- War Dims Hopes for Peace --Wisconsin State Journal 12/27/65</p><p>- Blue Skies Unless its Cloudy --San Francisco Chronicle 5/29/??</p><p>- Bankrupt Association Termed in Poor Shape --Lawrence (KA) Journal-World 7/12/77</p><p>- Food is Basic to Student Diet --Bridgeport (CN) Post 1/18/78</p><p>- (Reported in the (U.K.) Guardian recently, and relayed by Martin Hughes<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite38" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>- We take ghoul care of you!</p><p>- Lack Of Water Hurts Ice Fishing</p><p>- Yellow Snow Tested For Nutrition</p><p>- Gas Smell Diverts Flight, But It Was Just Passengers Pants</p><p>- Man Accused Of Excessively Passing Wind</p><p>- Cookies With Condoms Fail Family Taste-Test</p><p>- Condom Firm Streches Product Line</p><p>- White Flower Two Day Sale-(Friday ONLY)</p><p>- Toxic Waste Tour Planned</p><p>- Grandmother of eight makes hole in one</p><p>- Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing</p><p>- House passes gas tax onto senate</p><p>- Two convicts evade noose, jury hung</p><p>- William Kelly was fed secretary</p><p>- Milk drinkers are turning to powder</p><p>- Quarter of a million Chinese live on water</p><p>- Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors</p><p>- Organ festival ends in smashing climax</p><p>- Dealers will hear car talk at noon</p><p>- Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests</p><p>- Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy</p><p>- Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better</p><p>- Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency</p><p>- Child's death ruins couple's holiday</p><p>- Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years</p><p>- Man is fatally slain</p><p>- Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation</p><p>- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms</p><p>- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge</p><p>- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead</p><p>- Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge</p><p>- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group</p><p>- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft</p><p>- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks</p><p>- Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy</p><p>- Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire</p><p>- British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply</p><p>- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood</p><p>- Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees</p><p>- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half</p><p>- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies</p><p>- Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing</p><p>- Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing</p><p>- Air Head Fired</p><p>- Steals Clock, Faces Time</p><p>- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff</p><p>- Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni</p><p>- Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board</p><p>- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors</p><p>- Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction</p><p>- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training</p><p>- Include your Children when Baking Cookies</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Phoenix, post: 3509, member: 10"] [b]Funny Newspaper Headlines.[/b] [url=http://www.armenianteens.com/newspaper.php]http://www.armenianteens.com/newspaper.php[/url] Funny newspaper headlines (collected by journalists) - Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says - Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers - Saftey Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted - Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case - Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents - Farmer Bill Dies In House - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus? - Stud Tires Out - Prostitutes Appeal To Pope - Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over - Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again - British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands - Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms - Eye Drops Off Shelf - Teacher Strikes Idle Kids - Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead - Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim - Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to - Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax - Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told - Miners Refuse to Work After Death - Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant - Stolen Painting Found By Tree - Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies - Two Sisters Reunited After Years In Checkout Counter - Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In Years - Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One - Drunken Drivers Paid $ in ' - War Dims Hope For Peace - If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While - Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures - Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge - Deer Kill , - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge - New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group - Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy - Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire - British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply - Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood - Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees - Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half - New Vaccine May Contain Rabies - Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing - Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing - Air Head Fired - Steals Clock, Faces Time - Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff - Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni - Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board - Hospitals are Sued By Foot Doctors - Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction - Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training - Include Your Children When Baking Cookies - Guini-pig judge Quits - Sunday Express; - Mice to be bombed - Today; - Irish peat bog rocked by great sheep explosion - Independant; - Mobile phone threat to universe; - Swedish jet hijacked by bread roll - Int Herald Trib; - Damp patches discovered on sun - New scientist; - Husband bites wife's 'thing' - The Monitor (Uganda); - Physicist recommends bigger balls to slow down male tennis players - Guardian - Objections raised to quake aid for aliens - Washington Times; - Ferries must stay afloat in worst of storms, say safety engineers - Guardian - New tabloid 'owned by god' - Kitchener (Ontario); - Elves loose - Daily Echo; - Mexican leader crashes to Earth - Guardian; - Armageddon could threaten United's Promotion push - West Cumbria News & Star; - Explosion of Professors at universities - Sunday Times; - Hairdo kills Mum - Daily Mirror; - French Minister 'condoned Police shooting of Aliens' - Guardian; - NASA briefly loses contact with Atlantis - Lewiston (ME); - hurt as students demand right to cheat - Canberra Times; - Giantkillers stretch town to the limit - Falmouth Packet - Children's Stool Great for Use in Garden - Stud Tires Out - Stiff Opposition to Casketless Funeral Plan - Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped - Columnist Gets Urologist in Trouble with His Peers - New Housing For Elderly Not Yet Dead - New Missouri U. Chancellor Expects Little Sex - 12 On Their Way to Cruise Among Dead in Plane Crash - N.J. Judge to Rule on Nude Beach - Chou Remains Cremated - Chinese Apeman Dated - Hershey Bars Protest - Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead - Deer Kill 130,000 - Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly - Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim - Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say - Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers - Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted - Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents - Farmer Bill dies in house - Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? - Prostitutes appeal to Pope - Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over - Soviet virgin lands short of goal again - British left waffles on Falkland Islands - Eye drops off shelf - Teacher strikes idle kids - Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66 - Enraged cow injures farmer with ax - Plane too close to ground, crash probe told - Miners refuse to work after death - Stolen painting found by tree - Two soviet ships collide, one dies - 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter - Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years - Never withhold herpes infection from loved one - Drunken drivers paid $1000 in '84 - If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while - Enfiels couple slain; Police suspect homicide - Two cars were reported stolen by the Groveton police yesterday. - We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. - Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures --Daily Sun-Post (San Clemente, CA) 1/17/77 - Sneak Attack by Soviet Bloc Not Foreseen --The Atlanta Journal 4/4/79 - War Dims Hopes for Peace --Wisconsin State Journal 12/27/65 - Blue Skies Unless its Cloudy --San Francisco Chronicle 5/29/?? - Bankrupt Association Termed in Poor Shape --Lawrence (KA) Journal-World 7/12/77 - Food is Basic to Student Diet --Bridgeport (CN) Post 1/18/78 - (Reported in the (U.K.) Guardian recently, and relayed by Martin Hughes:) - We take ghoul care of you! - Lack Of Water Hurts Ice Fishing - Yellow Snow Tested For Nutrition - Gas Smell Diverts Flight, But It Was Just Passengers Pants - Man Accused Of Excessively Passing Wind - Cookies With Condoms Fail Family Taste-Test - Condom Firm Streches Product Line - White Flower Two Day Sale-(Friday ONLY) - Toxic Waste Tour Planned - Grandmother of eight makes hole in one - Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing - House passes gas tax onto senate - Two convicts evade noose, jury hung - William Kelly was fed secretary - Milk drinkers are turning to powder - Quarter of a million Chinese live on water - Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors - Organ festival ends in smashing climax - Dealers will hear car talk at noon - Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests - Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy - Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better - Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency - Child's death ruins couple's holiday - Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years - Man is fatally slain - Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation - Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge - New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy - Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire - British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply - Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood - Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees - Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half - New Vaccine May Contain Rabies - Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing - Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing - Air Head Fired - Steals Clock, Faces Time - Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff - Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni - Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board - Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors - Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction - Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training - Include your Children when Baking Cookies [/QUOTE]
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