I don't even know how to pray, as my parents didn't really want me to get religious or were lazy,
so I'm... atheist, but if it could make me time travel... I'm willing to believe it and cry for it to happen
like now.
The atmosphere I live in, is basically horrible.
First, I live in a really small house, with my dad and my dog.
It has cables everywhere and cloth as well, as there is no more space.
The house is dirty and everything else. I also don't really trust any member
of my small family so it's like anywhere I go I feel bad.
I can't do nothing alone, even go to the shop down the street and buy a bottle of water,
I start to feel sort of dizzy, almost crying, slowing down... and if someone I don't know
talked to me, if I even answered, I'd speak like my "volume" was on 00.01%.
I can't do nothing alone, neither no one is really willing to be my friend.
Also, I feel so bad I just "live" in my bed, and barely go out.
1 week ago I almost commited suicide thanks to the pressure I'm under, I can't
even go to school, I've missed my first school day today! I like school, I really do, but it's the people.
Not bullies, not bad people, but I feel ashamed of myself, the way I look, how I can't
make a single friend! Before I came back to Portugal, I was in the UK for 2 years. Did year 11
and entry level in college. I resume my breaks to Library, no lunch, only library.
Talking to people? I couldn't even spell a single word because I didn't know what to say
and felt really ashamed. I hided in the library like a fly would fly away if you try to kill it,
you can't even see where it goes.
I don't trust no one, neiter have friends or any confidence at all in myself. I hate myself, and I hate my life.
I already looked into running away to a friends house, if I had one, but I still asked some people.
Their answer was that I was either dumb or they couldn't. I even said I'd get a part time job and give half of
the money to the house owners and the other half to save for a course in the future to fulfill my dreams...
Dreams that I don't even believe I'll achieve not even being the "king of the world", I wanted to be director,
direct movies and sometimes even write my own screenplays and script.