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Is It Just Me...?
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<blockquote data-quote="wrlarsen" data-source="post: 5732" data-attributes="member: 67"><p><strong>Is It Just Me...?</strong></p><p></p><p>LATE? "I'm Gonna Be Late Because.... " Excuses you can use, right? </p><p> Personally, I like the last one. </p><p> ________________________________________________</p><p></p><p>- My stigmata's acting up. </p><p></p><p>- I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? </p><p></p><p>- I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... </p><p></p><p>- I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant. </p><p></p><p>- If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. </p><p></p><p>- Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. </p><p></p><p>- Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. </p><p></p><p>- I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. </p><p></p><p>- The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. </p><p></p><p>- The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. </p><p></p><p>- I prefer to remain an enigma. </p><p></p><p>- My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. </p><p></p><p>- I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. </p><p></p><p>- I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. </p><p></p><p>- I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. </p><p></p><p>- I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. </p><p></p><p>- I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source, exactly e*log(pi), of the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wrlarsen, post: 5732, member: 67"] [b]Is It Just Me...?[/b] LATE? "I'm Gonna Be Late Because.... " Excuses you can use, right? Personally, I like the last one. ________________________________________________ - My stigmata's acting up. - I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? - I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... - I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant. - If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. - Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. - Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. - I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. - The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. - The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. - I prefer to remain an enigma. - My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. - I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. - I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. - I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. - I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. - I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source, exactly e*log(pi), of the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. [/QUOTE]
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