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Mystery Of Stargates - Gateways Of The Gods
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<blockquote data-quote="JahaRa" data-source="post: 195940" data-attributes="member: 12320"><p>I got lost in too many words and explanations. If you had started with the paragraph I bolded then gone from there it would have made more sense. If you want people to understand you start with your thesis, then explain, it works a lot better than making a long explanation then stating your thesis. </p><p></p><p>Also it might have helped if you made your paragraphs shorter, one thought that takes 3 sentences and then the next thought is a new paragraph. And the "So now I want you to picture..." paragraph was not necessary. Just explain simply that you have an idea of how we might be able to fold space. That one long paragraph could have ended and the next one started with "In other words..."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JahaRa, post: 195940, member: 12320"] I got lost in too many words and explanations. If you had started with the paragraph I bolded then gone from there it would have made more sense. If you want people to understand you start with your thesis, then explain, it works a lot better than making a long explanation then stating your thesis. Also it might have helped if you made your paragraphs shorter, one thought that takes 3 sentences and then the next thought is a new paragraph. And the "So now I want you to picture..." paragraph was not necessary. Just explain simply that you have an idea of how we might be able to fold space. That one long paragraph could have ended and the next one started with "In other words..." [/QUOTE]
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