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The Mentally Ill
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<blockquote data-quote="Alyxavior" data-source="post: 12029" data-attributes="member: 186"><p><strong>The Mentally Ill</strong></p><p></p><p>*looks up and nods solemnly*</p><p></p><p>Fitting, also, that the above is my 13th post to this forum. 13 is a very powerful number in my life. </p><p></p><p>Yes, experience is the key....but behind those experiences, the right perceptions and attitude must be evident, or else it's for naught....though, I tend to believe that with enough experience, even in the wrong direction, it will eventually direct you back to where you belong. I tend to be stubborn. I've been called a rock many times, in regards to making people go around me, instead of being a river, and allowing things to flow. A person must be both...and it's the balance of all things, that I am in search for. I intend to find it, too. </p><p></p><p>I know that I have difficulty expressing my emotions, because, in the past, I suppressed them enough that I forgot how to recognize them for what they were. I'm very lucky...hmm....even though I don't believe in luck...I'm very fortunate to have people around me that are patient, caring, and loving to allow me to muddle through the things that have caught me down in the bog...or in "The Princess Bride"'s world of the fire swamp. *rolls down the hill yelling "As you wish!!!!!!!"*</p><p>It just shows that I am finally caring for who I am, and what I'm meant to be, because I'm creating the help I require around me to allow the growth I desire. </p><p></p><p>For instance...I've always wanted to learn martial arts...both just being able to move fluidly, and to dance with a sword someday. I have yet to do that, but my mind has allowed past lives to resurface, by way of friends and guides...letting me have the opportunity to pull from those lives. I've been told that I'm good at dying by a druid that told me about some of my past lives. She told me about at least 50 or more lives as a Mongolian warrior around the time of Genghis Khan, and with that knowledge, I've chosen to allow my body to reacquaint itself with those memories. Each day I tell myself to meld those memories of movement and thought to my current self. I believe, that in the near future, I will need every scrap of it...</p><p></p><p>With that, though...I fight myself. I ask myself if I deserve that. If I deem it necessary. Then I think back to the Matrix trilogy. Neo tells Smith that he does it all because he chooses to. So be it. I'm not going to refrain from something, just because others wish it. I can only be who I am and I wish the knowledge that I ask for...along with the wisdom and understanding to wield it.</p><p></p><p>I think back to when I used to weigh 274 pounds with 44 size jeans. Now I weigh a little less than 200 and can now slip into a size 34. For that fact, and others...I tell myself that I am being the miracle. I look back at pictures of myself and wonder who that person is/was. It's like I needed the experience to give myself a success and confidence in my energies. As I typed that, though...I realized that I had forgotten about the fact. *chuckles* It was only a few years ago that I was that big, yet it seems like a whole lifetime. At the time I was the largest, I had taken a medical leave of absence from work and slept most of the day. I was very depressed. Unwilling to do anything, and very hopeless. *shakes head* Sheesh....I had forgotten. Amazing. My mom even told me that she cried the day I asked her to tie my shoes for me....because I couldn't bend over far enough to do it myself. I don't even remember that. </p><p></p><p>I've come a long ways. If I can do this. You can too. Don't give up on the dreams of your childhood. I'm just beginning to realize that those dreams may be the reason you were created for in the first place. Don't lose sight of the things that you hope for. There is balance in the world. We are One. Each of us has a job to do. Like that quote about when the chess game is through, the King and the pawn goes back in the same box. </p><p></p><p>Hmm....*nod* Do your best. That's all you can do. There is nothing better than your best. Timing is everything, and, well....we have all the time in the world. Never give up, and keep going. Illness and pain are just the lines in which you color your picture. Be vibrant and alive. </p><p></p><p>Good day!</p><p></p><p>Creo Amadeo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Alyxavior, post: 12029, member: 186"] [b]The Mentally Ill[/b] *looks up and nods solemnly* Fitting, also, that the above is my 13th post to this forum. 13 is a very powerful number in my life. Yes, experience is the key....but behind those experiences, the right perceptions and attitude must be evident, or else it's for naught....though, I tend to believe that with enough experience, even in the wrong direction, it will eventually direct you back to where you belong. I tend to be stubborn. I've been called a rock many times, in regards to making people go around me, instead of being a river, and allowing things to flow. A person must be both...and it's the balance of all things, that I am in search for. I intend to find it, too. I know that I have difficulty expressing my emotions, because, in the past, I suppressed them enough that I forgot how to recognize them for what they were. I'm very lucky...hmm....even though I don't believe in luck...I'm very fortunate to have people around me that are patient, caring, and loving to allow me to muddle through the things that have caught me down in the bog...or in "The Princess Bride"'s world of the fire swamp. *rolls down the hill yelling "As you wish!!!!!!!"* It just shows that I am finally caring for who I am, and what I'm meant to be, because I'm creating the help I require around me to allow the growth I desire. For instance...I've always wanted to learn martial arts...both just being able to move fluidly, and to dance with a sword someday. I have yet to do that, but my mind has allowed past lives to resurface, by way of friends and guides...letting me have the opportunity to pull from those lives. I've been told that I'm good at dying by a druid that told me about some of my past lives. She told me about at least 50 or more lives as a Mongolian warrior around the time of Genghis Khan, and with that knowledge, I've chosen to allow my body to reacquaint itself with those memories. Each day I tell myself to meld those memories of movement and thought to my current self. I believe, that in the near future, I will need every scrap of it... With that, though...I fight myself. I ask myself if I deserve that. If I deem it necessary. Then I think back to the Matrix trilogy. Neo tells Smith that he does it all because he chooses to. So be it. I'm not going to refrain from something, just because others wish it. I can only be who I am and I wish the knowledge that I ask for...along with the wisdom and understanding to wield it. I think back to when I used to weigh 274 pounds with 44 size jeans. Now I weigh a little less than 200 and can now slip into a size 34. For that fact, and others...I tell myself that I am being the miracle. I look back at pictures of myself and wonder who that person is/was. It's like I needed the experience to give myself a success and confidence in my energies. As I typed that, though...I realized that I had forgotten about the fact. *chuckles* It was only a few years ago that I was that big, yet it seems like a whole lifetime. At the time I was the largest, I had taken a medical leave of absence from work and slept most of the day. I was very depressed. Unwilling to do anything, and very hopeless. *shakes head* Sheesh....I had forgotten. Amazing. My mom even told me that she cried the day I asked her to tie my shoes for me....because I couldn't bend over far enough to do it myself. I don't even remember that. I've come a long ways. If I can do this. You can too. Don't give up on the dreams of your childhood. I'm just beginning to realize that those dreams may be the reason you were created for in the first place. Don't lose sight of the things that you hope for. There is balance in the world. We are One. Each of us has a job to do. Like that quote about when the chess game is through, the King and the pawn goes back in the same box. Hmm....*nod* Do your best. That's all you can do. There is nothing better than your best. Timing is everything, and, well....we have all the time in the world. Never give up, and keep going. Illness and pain are just the lines in which you color your picture. Be vibrant and alive. Good day! Creo Amadeo [/QUOTE]
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