StarLord
Senior Member
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Wierd Quiz
1. Police busted a man who had a meth lab in his house last week. What made the police suspicious of him in the first place?
a) Fumes from the trailer set off hazard alarms at the nuclear energy facility half a mile away
b) His phone number was one digit off the police department's front desk
c) He went into a pool supply store looking for bomb-making materials
2. When Canadian anti-terror forces rounded up an Ottawa-based terrorist cell, one of the suspects was already familiar to the police. And the rest of Canada. Why?
a) He was a former contestant on Canadian Idol
b) He was the smarmy radio spokesman for his uncle's furniture store
c) A year earlier, he had lost his memory, and a TV special had helped him locate his family
3. Cook County Jail inmates have been behaving better lately after jailers discovered a punishment that is effective even if the inmates think it's cruel. What is it?
a) Their meals are replaced with "nutraloaf," a puree of food baked into a dense, orange-colored lump
b) When inmates misbehave, all the televisions are changed to infomercials
c) Prisoners in solitary confinement get to hear the 13-minute Turkish national anthem four times daily
4. There's a new way for people to extend their legacies, even after death. What is it?
a) They can incorporate their own identity before they die, allowing their business name to immortalize them in perpetuity
b) For a substantial fee, Ferrari will include the initials of the deceased in the serial numbers of certain future car series
c) They can have their ashes baked into vinyl records that can be customized with their favorite music
5. A man was forced to withdraw from a kayak race this week after suffering a bizarre mishap. What happened?
a) He nearly suffered a concussion after being struck by a flying carp
b) A compound he used to make his kayak slicker attracted hundreds of fish, who were trying to eat his boat
c) His kayak capsized after being struck with blue ice from a passing jetliner
6. After serving a five-year prison sentence, one man decided he would avoid extradition to his home country by:
a) Claiming he was an alien and that his home planet had no extradition treaty with Earth
b) Chopping off his penis while under armed guard at the airport
c) Having his original accuser kidnapped so she couldn't testify against him
7. Another story about people in desperate situations is brought to us by:
a) The escaped prisoners in Argentina who fled for two days without a compass and accidentally doubled back to the jail
b) The man who faked his own death so he could enroll in middle school and play football again
c) The homeless man who constructed a steam-powered bicycle so he could attend his brother's funeral
8. Police were dispatched to a Philadelphia construction site, startling two construction workers who were surprised to learn that:
a) Their morning beers on a job site were a felony Occupational Safety and Health Administration violation
b) The bench they were sitting on was actually an unexploded torpedo
c) The reason their backhoe and supervisor were missing involved a low-speed pursuit on the freeway
9. Religious freedom took a hit in Sweden recently, after judges refused to recognize the legal status of this faith:
a) First Internet Pirate Church
b) Hashish Monastery in Christ
c) Church of the Madonna of the Orgasm
10. Some advertisements for a restaurant in Germany caused quite a furor among the locals after they:
a) Requested donations of body parts for the restaurant, which catered to cannibals
b) Showed the restaurant manager in a Hitler mustache standing in front of a pair of pizza ovens
c) Depicted topless waitresses, which caused several accidents on the road next to the billboard
1. Police busted a man who had a meth lab in his house last week. What made the police suspicious of him in the first place?
a) Fumes from the trailer set off hazard alarms at the nuclear energy facility half a mile away
b) His phone number was one digit off the police department's front desk
c) He went into a pool supply store looking for bomb-making materials
2. When Canadian anti-terror forces rounded up an Ottawa-based terrorist cell, one of the suspects was already familiar to the police. And the rest of Canada. Why?
a) He was a former contestant on Canadian Idol
b) He was the smarmy radio spokesman for his uncle's furniture store
c) A year earlier, he had lost his memory, and a TV special had helped him locate his family
3. Cook County Jail inmates have been behaving better lately after jailers discovered a punishment that is effective even if the inmates think it's cruel. What is it?
a) Their meals are replaced with "nutraloaf," a puree of food baked into a dense, orange-colored lump
b) When inmates misbehave, all the televisions are changed to infomercials
c) Prisoners in solitary confinement get to hear the 13-minute Turkish national anthem four times daily
4. There's a new way for people to extend their legacies, even after death. What is it?
a) They can incorporate their own identity before they die, allowing their business name to immortalize them in perpetuity
b) For a substantial fee, Ferrari will include the initials of the deceased in the serial numbers of certain future car series
c) They can have their ashes baked into vinyl records that can be customized with their favorite music
5. A man was forced to withdraw from a kayak race this week after suffering a bizarre mishap. What happened?
a) He nearly suffered a concussion after being struck by a flying carp
b) A compound he used to make his kayak slicker attracted hundreds of fish, who were trying to eat his boat
c) His kayak capsized after being struck with blue ice from a passing jetliner
6. After serving a five-year prison sentence, one man decided he would avoid extradition to his home country by:
a) Claiming he was an alien and that his home planet had no extradition treaty with Earth
b) Chopping off his penis while under armed guard at the airport
c) Having his original accuser kidnapped so she couldn't testify against him
7. Another story about people in desperate situations is brought to us by:
a) The escaped prisoners in Argentina who fled for two days without a compass and accidentally doubled back to the jail
b) The man who faked his own death so he could enroll in middle school and play football again
c) The homeless man who constructed a steam-powered bicycle so he could attend his brother's funeral
8. Police were dispatched to a Philadelphia construction site, startling two construction workers who were surprised to learn that:
a) Their morning beers on a job site were a felony Occupational Safety and Health Administration violation
b) The bench they were sitting on was actually an unexploded torpedo
c) The reason their backhoe and supervisor were missing involved a low-speed pursuit on the freeway
9. Religious freedom took a hit in Sweden recently, after judges refused to recognize the legal status of this faith:
a) First Internet Pirate Church
b) Hashish Monastery in Christ
c) Church of the Madonna of the Orgasm
10. Some advertisements for a restaurant in Germany caused quite a furor among the locals after they:
a) Requested donations of body parts for the restaurant, which catered to cannibals
b) Showed the restaurant manager in a Hitler mustache standing in front of a pair of pizza ovens
c) Depicted topless waitresses, which caused several accidents on the road next to the billboard
Answers
1) C -- Maybe just focus on one felony at a time, kid
2) A -- Idol audition song "Burning Down the House" was a tipoff
3) A -- For a change, "dense, orange and disgusting" refers to something other than the cast of Jersey Shore
4) C -- A haunted voice from beyond the groove
5) A -- Paddle battle with a sharp carp results in slapped sap
6) B -- If your best plan involves severing your own genitalia, you NEED A BETTER PLAN
7) B -- Was the only middle schooler with a full beard, tattoos and a mortgage
8) B -- And that was nearly the end of the Lusitania Construction Co., too
9) C -- O come all ye faithful
10) A -- When people say it costs an arm and a leg to eat there ...
2) A -- Idol audition song "Burning Down the House" was a tipoff
3) A -- For a change, "dense, orange and disgusting" refers to something other than the cast of Jersey Shore
4) C -- A haunted voice from beyond the groove
5) A -- Paddle battle with a sharp carp results in slapped sap
6) B -- If your best plan involves severing your own genitalia, you NEED A BETTER PLAN
7) B -- Was the only middle schooler with a full beard, tattoos and a mortgage
8) B -- And that was nearly the end of the Lusitania Construction Co., too
9) C -- O come all ye faithful
10) A -- When people say it costs an arm and a leg to eat there ...
haha.