OakFieldAlienz444
Senior Member
The Maria Oršić Conspiracy: How She Dismantled Die Glocke and Scattered It Across Germany (and Beyond!)
For decades, researchers, conspiracy theorists, and bored internet users have speculated about the true fate of Die Glocke—the Nazi Bell, allegedly a time machine, an anti-gravity device, or a really elaborate espresso machine (depending on which historian you ask). But new evidence has come to light in 2025, thanks to an amateur treasure hunter with a metal detector and a lot of free time, documents uncovered by the CIA ended up almost sort of proving what we all suspected: Maria Oršić, the famed Vril Society's sexiest medium and the world's first social medium influencer, didn't just disappear—she took Die Glocke apart and hid its pieces across Germany (and possibly beyond) to keep it out of Allied hands!
Go find the eight pieces, readers---to save the world!
But how did she do it? Researchers now believe Oršić, using her unmatched psychic abilities and the assistance of loyal Vril society members, smuggled the components out using methods that would make Indiana Jones weep with jealousy. Among the confirmed methods of transportation:
Realizing that such a child would pose a serious problem (both morally and genealogically), Maria Oršić being the most beautiful and wonderful mother ever did the only reasonable thing: she tossed the baby straight through a wormhole, sending him into an unknown point in time and space. The last known transmission from Oršić before her disappearance allegedly contained the words: "He's someone else's problem now, bitches."
Stay tuned for more updates, unless Die Glocke reactivates and sends us all back to the Mesozoic era!
For decades, researchers, conspiracy theorists, and bored internet users have speculated about the true fate of Die Glocke—the Nazi Bell, allegedly a time machine, an anti-gravity device, or a really elaborate espresso machine (depending on which historian you ask). But new evidence has come to light in 2025, thanks to an amateur treasure hunter with a metal detector and a lot of free time, documents uncovered by the CIA ended up almost sort of proving what we all suspected: Maria Oršić, the famed Vril Society's sexiest medium and the world's first social medium influencer, didn't just disappear—she took Die Glocke apart and hid its pieces across Germany (and possibly beyond) to keep it out of Allied hands!
Go find the eight pieces, readers---to save the world!
The Great Die Glocke Dismantling of 1945
As the war crumbled around them, Nazi scientists panicked. Hitler, fresh off another absolutely deranged rant about "occult UFOs and infinite bratwurst," demanded that Die Glocke be used immediately to secure a Reich victory. Maria Oršić, however, had other plans. Knowing that the Allies were closing in and that Die Glocke could become a cosmic vending machine for whoever got their hands on it, she devised a masterful plan—she took Die Glocke apart, piece by piece, and scattered its components across Germany like a demented Easter Bunny.But how did she do it? Researchers now believe Oršić, using her unmatched psychic abilities and the assistance of loyal Vril society members, smuggled the components out using methods that would make Indiana Jones weep with jealousy. Among the confirmed methods of transportation:
- A series of underground trains that also carried crates labeled "Definitely Not A Time Machine. Please Ignore."
- The Luftwaffe’s last functional prototype jet, flown by an escaped chimp from the Berlin Zoo named "Kaiser Bananas."
- A single, elderly man on a bicycle with an oversized basket labeled "Bread and Definitely Not A Chrono-Engine."
Pieces Are Still Being Found – Right Now!
Thanks to the tireless efforts of amateur researchers, space alien enthusiasts, avid ancient grey alien fetishists, experts, metal detector enthusiasts and even more experts known as 'super experts' and one particularly determined cat named "Herr Schnitzel," pieces of Die Glocke are being found at an alarming rate. In fact, scientists estimate that every second, at least one piece of Die Glocke is unearthed somewhere in the world. Some of the most notable discoveries include:- A glowing metallic plate found inside an old Oktoberfest beer hall that plays cryptic messages when exposed to polka music.
- A strange, humming sphere discovered in a Bavarian farmer’s basement, which has been used as a nightlight for generations.
- A set of perfectly preserved blueprints labeled "WARNING: Do Not Assemble Unless You Enjoy Temporal Anomalies and Existential Dread."
The Hitler-Oršić Wormhole Baby: A Scandal for the Ages
Perhaps the most shocking revelation to emerge from this research is the possibility that Maria Oršić and Adolf Hitler had a secret love child, an idea historians are calling "both horrifying and deeply, deeply confusing." Allegedly, this child was a direct result of one of Oršić’s Vril rituals, which had unintended consequences when combined with Hitler’s absolutely bonkers obsession with the occult.Realizing that such a child would pose a serious problem (both morally and genealogically), Maria Oršić being the most beautiful and wonderful mother ever did the only reasonable thing: she tossed the baby straight through a wormhole, sending him into an unknown point in time and space. The last known transmission from Oršić before her disappearance allegedly contained the words: "He's someone else's problem now, bitches."
What Happens Next?
With pieces of Die Glocke emerging faster than ever, researchers believe that within a matter of years, it may be possible to reassemble the device. However, the implications of such an action are as mysterious as they are terrifying. Will it create a portal to another dimension? Will it finally reveal whether or not Hitler was actually an alien lizard cyborg? Will it simply spit out a cup of espresso and a stern warning? Only time will tell. But one thing is certain: Maria Oršić’s legacy remains intact, and somewhere out there, her wormhole baby is waiting... perhaps plotting... perhaps just really confused.Stay tuned for more updates, unless Die Glocke reactivates and sends us all back to the Mesozoic era!
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