Judge Bean
Senior Member
Channeling Jefferson
Now, all of you know me fairly well under the circumstances, so no doubt you will trust me completely when I tell you this outlandish tale.
I have been consulting with a friend of mine who is a computer geek and we have invented some kind of parallel system which feeds itself an endless series of questions and answers translated and retranslated into multiple languages. The loop increases in length and speed until the transmission of information surpasses the speed of light.
When the right pitch is reached, or critical mass of electron swapping, the electrons begin to roll back or switch directions. The little fools are utterly unaware of which direction they are going in, of course, and the transmission provides its own "fuel" or energy source as a byproduct while the electrons are capable of transmitting messages through time.
At the present time, we are in a testing phase during which we can tap into the daydreams and regular dreams of celebrities of past ages. We had to pick wellknown individuals in order to home into specific hotspots of cerebral activity; the signal is strongest, also, when an individual is eating, having sex, laughing, crying or in great grief, or drinking alcohol. Some of it works, also, when the subject is smoking.
In a crowd, such as at church during particular emotional moments, there is too much of a signal and the individual transmissions wash out. If the signal is too close to us geographically, it is likewise too strong to be clear. We found the perfect places to be the South (we are in California) and some Pacific Islands, and during the 18th and early 19th centuries, due to the sparse populations and wide open spaces between here and there.
So we have zeroed in on Thomas Jefferson in the year 1800.
His thoughts are weirdly clear and direct, and sometimes it is as though we are talking to him on the telephone, though the device is supposed to work best when the subject is asleep. He appears capable of blocking us out of his private mind and dreamstate, and in fact is fully aware in some way about what is going on, although he probably considers it an inner dialogue with himself.
He is a very, very reserved and private person, and would be considered a Puritan if he were not from the wrong State for that. When the subjects of slavery and illegitimate children are raised, he shuts down completely or goes off on a digression about agriculture.
Anyway, I have taken the liberty to transcribe some of what he has "said," bearing in mind that there is a great deal of chrono-static and garbling, missing pieces, and surreal parts. It can best be described as a kind of Ouija communication, with the half-conscious subject feeding in unedited and disorganized (and misspelled) material. Since it's all in capital letters, I have edited the text a bit, but I thought the hiphop abbreviated spelling was charming, so I left that intact.
.....
Yes, he hears... I hear the...
What.
Sir.
What... u cannot... who is that? Who is that? You are heel...
God, it sounds like the last words of Dutch Schultz, doesn't it?
He's angrier than I...
All even... th planing hasnt... it is th very quikening of th frame. Who... consder th house an anatomy &...
He stopped.
Did he quit? It sounds...
He stopped right there.
He's talking about his house?
I think he's pissed because I called him sir.
You forgot the...
Do the same one again, get him back.
Th wit... th wit... I am a bird there? Betty is in a fright abt th dough of republic... I can tell you one thing, tho, without exagerat. What? I can.
Tell.
I can.
Tell us.
I can tell. I know that ths s not where... you r not here. No, dont beliv it.
You are right, yes.
I know it well. I know it. How s my country? How stands th country?
The people here...
The same I shd say. No evil... or vegtbl helth... u kno i... good lrd...
The country is sound and we are grateful to you.
i... verywellthn... ver... i... my frhead undulat... my pain in th frhead... tell me yr yr yr... year...
Tell him the year.
We said we wouldn't.
It's the year 2005. The United States goes from coast to coast, Atlantic to Pacific, a democratic country, under the Constitution.
Under u rather... not ovr u... my chldrn r in... what is lavendr? Oh Mary...
.....
More later.
Now, all of you know me fairly well under the circumstances, so no doubt you will trust me completely when I tell you this outlandish tale.
I have been consulting with a friend of mine who is a computer geek and we have invented some kind of parallel system which feeds itself an endless series of questions and answers translated and retranslated into multiple languages. The loop increases in length and speed until the transmission of information surpasses the speed of light.
When the right pitch is reached, or critical mass of electron swapping, the electrons begin to roll back or switch directions. The little fools are utterly unaware of which direction they are going in, of course, and the transmission provides its own "fuel" or energy source as a byproduct while the electrons are capable of transmitting messages through time.
At the present time, we are in a testing phase during which we can tap into the daydreams and regular dreams of celebrities of past ages. We had to pick wellknown individuals in order to home into specific hotspots of cerebral activity; the signal is strongest, also, when an individual is eating, having sex, laughing, crying or in great grief, or drinking alcohol. Some of it works, also, when the subject is smoking.
In a crowd, such as at church during particular emotional moments, there is too much of a signal and the individual transmissions wash out. If the signal is too close to us geographically, it is likewise too strong to be clear. We found the perfect places to be the South (we are in California) and some Pacific Islands, and during the 18th and early 19th centuries, due to the sparse populations and wide open spaces between here and there.
So we have zeroed in on Thomas Jefferson in the year 1800.
His thoughts are weirdly clear and direct, and sometimes it is as though we are talking to him on the telephone, though the device is supposed to work best when the subject is asleep. He appears capable of blocking us out of his private mind and dreamstate, and in fact is fully aware in some way about what is going on, although he probably considers it an inner dialogue with himself.
He is a very, very reserved and private person, and would be considered a Puritan if he were not from the wrong State for that. When the subjects of slavery and illegitimate children are raised, he shuts down completely or goes off on a digression about agriculture.
Anyway, I have taken the liberty to transcribe some of what he has "said," bearing in mind that there is a great deal of chrono-static and garbling, missing pieces, and surreal parts. It can best be described as a kind of Ouija communication, with the half-conscious subject feeding in unedited and disorganized (and misspelled) material. Since it's all in capital letters, I have edited the text a bit, but I thought the hiphop abbreviated spelling was charming, so I left that intact.
.....
Yes, he hears... I hear the...
What.
Sir.
What... u cannot... who is that? Who is that? You are heel...
God, it sounds like the last words of Dutch Schultz, doesn't it?
He's angrier than I...
All even... th planing hasnt... it is th very quikening of th frame. Who... consder th house an anatomy &...
He stopped.
Did he quit? It sounds...
He stopped right there.
He's talking about his house?
I think he's pissed because I called him sir.
You forgot the...
Do the same one again, get him back.
Th wit... th wit... I am a bird there? Betty is in a fright abt th dough of republic... I can tell you one thing, tho, without exagerat. What? I can.
Tell.
I can.
Tell us.
I can tell. I know that ths s not where... you r not here. No, dont beliv it.
You are right, yes.
I know it well. I know it. How s my country? How stands th country?
The people here...
The same I shd say. No evil... or vegtbl helth... u kno i... good lrd...
The country is sound and we are grateful to you.
i... verywellthn... ver... i... my frhead undulat... my pain in th frhead... tell me yr yr yr... year...
Tell him the year.
We said we wouldn't.
It's the year 2005. The United States goes from coast to coast, Atlantic to Pacific, a democratic country, under the Constitution.
Under u rather... not ovr u... my chldrn r in... what is lavendr? Oh Mary...
.....
More later.
