The 2% Solution

The 2% Solution

Oh, I love this: it's dark! That's what it is, it's dark. Is there another science that would survive ten minutes of serious attention if one of it's claims was that most of its subject matter didn't exist? "We can't see it, but we're pretty sure it's there; and we're pretty sure that the earth is flat, too."
 
The 2% Solution

What's that? Are you mocking science??

Well listen here Bucko, the next time you go out at night on a cloudless night, look up and describe to me the color that you see between those shiny lights up there. Hmmm? does it look green to you or perhaps magenta? See??

Pretty dark wouldn't you say? Just because there isn't a crayola with the same name does not mean the color Dark does not exist. Took us years and three government grants to come up with that color Mr smarty pants.

And, we also know that it's real, real Cold when you get close to that Dark too.

For YOUR information, we also KNOW that the world can't be flat, because if it was, the Sun would make a large noise when it hit the edge of the world as it revolves around, in fact, there would be TWO large noises as the Sun revolves around. One really early, and the other kinda late after dinner.

So, thank your lucky stars there are scientists here in the world buster, because without them your TV diner would still be just turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and a yucky pudding, instead of the apple cobbler for desert.
 
The 2% Solution

I am humbled.

I now understand everything, including that calories are actual little evil germlike things that get into you and make you fat (not you, but, say, Notorious B.I.G. or Marlon Brando) instead of units of measurement; and that the sun is a fixed star, even though it's obviously much bigger than one of those little twinkly things, and the wrong color, and seems to come and go daily, moving a lot.

I am also willing now to accept the slogans of the corporations, including that of the manufacturers of nuclear warhead triggers, "We bring good things to life." I believe that all of the charges against Halliburton are false charges.

I look up at the night sky, and I see why it isn't a solid block of light from infinite stars; in fact, looking up, I see bunnies and kitties. I believe now in phrenology and foot-whisper therapy, and in the salutary properties of mandrake and henbane. I believe that there is no obvious rectangular bulge in the back of the president's jacket in the first debate.

There was a lone assassin in the Book Suppository Building; J.Edgar Hoover and Roy Cohn never kissed; Nixon was not a crook; and if you squint and wish hard, you will make world peace.
 

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