I bought a duck
- Thread starter HackimerRob
- Start date
I bought a duck
Uh, Hack. You still alive bud? The ladies were telling about Friday night chat. Did you survive, or is one of your friends going to post the simultaneous demise of you and the duck? Kinda like a murder suicide affair. I hope not. I want to hear about the death and dismemberment of the quacker. Ring in bro. We're sittin' on the edge of our seats, wondering who survived. Maybe you're just playing us, building the suspense, but that would just be WRONG.
Update warranted, you sorry SOB.
Cary
Uh, Hack. You still alive bud? The ladies were telling about Friday night chat. Did you survive, or is one of your friends going to post the simultaneous demise of you and the duck? Kinda like a murder suicide affair. I hope not. I want to hear about the death and dismemberment of the quacker. Ring in bro. We're sittin' on the edge of our seats, wondering who survived. Maybe you're just playing us, building the suspense, but that would just be WRONG.
Update warranted, you sorry SOB.
Cary
Judge Bean
Senior Member
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- 1,257
I bought a duck
Maybe the duck got the upper hand and has them hostage. He had nothing to lose.
Maybe the duck got the upper hand and has them hostage. He had nothing to lose.
Judge Bean
Senior Member
- Messages
- 1,257
I bought a duck
He looks like the guy in the original "The Fly" at the end of the movie yelling "Help me, help me, help me..."
He looks like the guy in the original "The Fly" at the end of the movie yelling "Help me, help me, help me..."
HackimerRob
Member
- Messages
- 391
I bought a duck
It began like any other saturday night. My lady took off for work and the plan was to "hunt" out something for dinner. So I met up with my friend and we took off walking. It was a nice evening. The sun was still up, roun 7 pm and here we were, the two New Yawkas that were going to get some food in their bellies, and some beer in their brains and get somewhat off their quackers. More than we knew.
We ate (some greek food) and moseyed on back to the house. Inside I prepared the mashed potatoes for the croquettes and made that Pecan Pie. I put the pie in the oven and the mashed potoatoes on to boil and quickly downed half of my 40 oz beer. (Miller high life, the champagne of beers, and IMHO the only beer to be drank in 40 form. Plus it's cheap and I knew I was going to need a little load on to really do what I was about to do. So now I was feeling the beer buzz and the rest of the food was working. My MO was to be to wait until it was after dark sos the aspca would get hip to the deed. So it was now around 11 pm.
We snuck down into the backyard to take a gander at our quarry. The next few minutes is probably the closest one could come to hunting in an urban environment. So the duck was wandering around enjoying a dinner of two earthworms it had hunted down. We began to slowly stalk it. My friend came around one way and I the other until she was cornered. At this point I decided I'm just going to do it, no more waiting, my adrenaline was pumping and ... it was time.
So with my right hand I firmly grasped the head and with my left I tried to get a good grip around the base of the neck. I snapped, but like a rubbery wishbone the neck snapped, and the wings flapped and the feet kicked and I got scratched by the claws and thought "damn, this thing didn't just die". So I twisted again and now I felt the heartbeat in the duck beating so hard and I felt I knew it was really scared and I started feeling badly. I started to regret, but got over that moment RIGHT quick because it was too late. I was past the point of no turning back and this duck was as good as dinner. So, I moved on to how to kill it option 2) grab it by the head and give it a good spin. So I gave it 3 of them.. Twist, Flap, Kick Twist, Flap, Kick. Twist, Flap, Kick.
Since this was the first time I had done or seen this happen I wasn't prepared for the length of time it actually was going to take for this animal to expire. The three Windmill spins of the body around the head left the duck with a limp neck, and violently flapping wings and kicking feet, WITH BIG CLAWS. I firmly grabbed her by the body, lined up my shot and wernt for option number 3. Smacked the head against the concrete side of my house. Landed it with an utterly surprising CRACK. I though this must be it. That would have had to do it.
Flap
Kick.
Had I been more experienced at this point I think I would have just put it down and come back in a half hour to a nice dead duck.
Instead I told my friend to go back inside, and get a bag and my hatchett.
While he was inside I put her down, and her neck was so loose I could move it freely. I tucked the head up under the body but I cought a moment when she looked right at me.
"It's okay. I'm sorry. Thank you" I said to her, petting her back and feeling her breathe laboriously. There was a trickle of blood coming out of her left nostril.
and her eyelids were slowly flutterring.
My friend returned with the hatched and seriously at this moment the duck STOOD up and tried to RUN away from me!
I put the black plastic bag over her head and quickly brought the hatchett down twice. I felt it that time. I felt the body go rigid for a moment and then the wings FLAPPING AGAIN!
I have heard about and seen video of chickens with their heads cut off but it was still dammned surprising.
I put down the bloddy hatchett and reached into the bag, since I couldn't see how well I had done during this trial separation. I felt the head and the body separately and the esophagus had not been cut. So I pulled and ripped it apart.
With a deep breath my friend lit two cigarettes, I don't smoke much but while I'm drinking or in a bar, but I needed one. We sat for twenty minutes holding down the body as it jerked around, throbbed, BREATHED...air coming out the neck hole. Man it was one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced. And every time we thought it was FINALLY dead and we took our hands away, it would jerk again. I felt the quickening. If you've heard of the movie the highlander, they are immortals, the characters in that movie, only killable by beheading. If killed by another immortal the soul is absorbed by the winner. That's the quickening. I felt it from the duck. I felt the life force enter me from the duck through my hands.
That was it, the duck was officially dead.
We put it in the plastic bag. Went upstairs to drink more and put on the hot water to boil so we could feather it.
Drank more. Drank more. Drank more. It was about midnight now and my friend and I were feeling nice and saucy and kinda macho, but kinda shaken up by doing that.
The pot I had wasn't quite big enough to fit bout half the duck in the boiling water, but I soaked the first half, then the other half alternately. The feathers began to pull off rather easily. The big wing ones were really the hardest to get off. All the down came off and we were making jokes "Let's make a pillow!" "Want to make a pen?" etc. . . I'm sure you can imagine two drunk almost 30 year old guys who grew up in a city environment trying to pluck a duck we had just beheaded. It was kind of funny.
At this point there was no more of that "pet" feeling to it because it looked like food now.
So, fully feathered, I cut off the feet and the wing tips. The claws had curled up I assume with rigor mortis and we played with it for a bit. "Hey, want me to scratch your back?" you know, silly saturday night lit up on beer and ... well... you get the picture. HEY, you knew I was slightly off when I started this trhead, if not before.
Then came the dressing out, (BTW Cary, I'm glad I plucked it instead of skinning, cause the sking was SOOOO good) So I took the sharpest knife I had and you were right Cary, it was obvious where to go in on the abdomen. I made a slit big enough to get my hand in and I grabbed the first big hard thing I came across, which I assume was the gizzard. It was big and hard. Then the intestines came out looking much like white earth worms. And the liver, Which I almost just ate right there. The lungs, some other stuff, and finally, all the way at the top near where the neck meets the body is nestled the heart. It was bigger than I though it would be, since I think I'm used to chicken hearts.
I had a moment, I could have cooked the liver, and the heart, but for some reason I decided to just throw all the insides away. I think I would have had a problem eating the heart, from an emotional standpoint.
Cleaned all the blood off my hands, tidied up the kitchen and stuffed the duck with paper towel, and put him in the fridge.
Then we drank a bit more, the little lady came home around 2:30 from work (It was a late night, probably good for her) and didn't even want to peek at it. (But I bet she did) Well all wound down and went to bed.
We had a big day coming up on Sunday and we needed out rest.
I will tell that part tomorrow. Cause I am exhausted and want to read some other posts and go home. Thanks everyone, part two tomorrow.
It began like any other saturday night. My lady took off for work and the plan was to "hunt" out something for dinner. So I met up with my friend and we took off walking. It was a nice evening. The sun was still up, roun 7 pm and here we were, the two New Yawkas that were going to get some food in their bellies, and some beer in their brains and get somewhat off their quackers. More than we knew.
We ate (some greek food) and moseyed on back to the house. Inside I prepared the mashed potatoes for the croquettes and made that Pecan Pie. I put the pie in the oven and the mashed potoatoes on to boil and quickly downed half of my 40 oz beer. (Miller high life, the champagne of beers, and IMHO the only beer to be drank in 40 form. Plus it's cheap and I knew I was going to need a little load on to really do what I was about to do. So now I was feeling the beer buzz and the rest of the food was working. My MO was to be to wait until it was after dark sos the aspca would get hip to the deed. So it was now around 11 pm.
We snuck down into the backyard to take a gander at our quarry. The next few minutes is probably the closest one could come to hunting in an urban environment. So the duck was wandering around enjoying a dinner of two earthworms it had hunted down. We began to slowly stalk it. My friend came around one way and I the other until she was cornered. At this point I decided I'm just going to do it, no more waiting, my adrenaline was pumping and ... it was time.
So with my right hand I firmly grasped the head and with my left I tried to get a good grip around the base of the neck. I snapped, but like a rubbery wishbone the neck snapped, and the wings flapped and the feet kicked and I got scratched by the claws and thought "damn, this thing didn't just die". So I twisted again and now I felt the heartbeat in the duck beating so hard and I felt I knew it was really scared and I started feeling badly. I started to regret, but got over that moment RIGHT quick because it was too late. I was past the point of no turning back and this duck was as good as dinner. So, I moved on to how to kill it option 2) grab it by the head and give it a good spin. So I gave it 3 of them.. Twist, Flap, Kick Twist, Flap, Kick. Twist, Flap, Kick.
Since this was the first time I had done or seen this happen I wasn't prepared for the length of time it actually was going to take for this animal to expire. The three Windmill spins of the body around the head left the duck with a limp neck, and violently flapping wings and kicking feet, WITH BIG CLAWS. I firmly grabbed her by the body, lined up my shot and wernt for option number 3. Smacked the head against the concrete side of my house. Landed it with an utterly surprising CRACK. I though this must be it. That would have had to do it.
Flap
Kick.
Had I been more experienced at this point I think I would have just put it down and come back in a half hour to a nice dead duck.
Instead I told my friend to go back inside, and get a bag and my hatchett.
While he was inside I put her down, and her neck was so loose I could move it freely. I tucked the head up under the body but I cought a moment when she looked right at me.
"It's okay. I'm sorry. Thank you" I said to her, petting her back and feeling her breathe laboriously. There was a trickle of blood coming out of her left nostril.
and her eyelids were slowly flutterring.
My friend returned with the hatched and seriously at this moment the duck STOOD up and tried to RUN away from me!
I put the black plastic bag over her head and quickly brought the hatchett down twice. I felt it that time. I felt the body go rigid for a moment and then the wings FLAPPING AGAIN!
I have heard about and seen video of chickens with their heads cut off but it was still dammned surprising.
I put down the bloddy hatchett and reached into the bag, since I couldn't see how well I had done during this trial separation. I felt the head and the body separately and the esophagus had not been cut. So I pulled and ripped it apart.
With a deep breath my friend lit two cigarettes, I don't smoke much but while I'm drinking or in a bar, but I needed one. We sat for twenty minutes holding down the body as it jerked around, throbbed, BREATHED...air coming out the neck hole. Man it was one of the weirdest things I've ever experienced. And every time we thought it was FINALLY dead and we took our hands away, it would jerk again. I felt the quickening. If you've heard of the movie the highlander, they are immortals, the characters in that movie, only killable by beheading. If killed by another immortal the soul is absorbed by the winner. That's the quickening. I felt it from the duck. I felt the life force enter me from the duck through my hands.
That was it, the duck was officially dead.
We put it in the plastic bag. Went upstairs to drink more and put on the hot water to boil so we could feather it.
Drank more. Drank more. Drank more. It was about midnight now and my friend and I were feeling nice and saucy and kinda macho, but kinda shaken up by doing that.
The pot I had wasn't quite big enough to fit bout half the duck in the boiling water, but I soaked the first half, then the other half alternately. The feathers began to pull off rather easily. The big wing ones were really the hardest to get off. All the down came off and we were making jokes "Let's make a pillow!" "Want to make a pen?" etc. . . I'm sure you can imagine two drunk almost 30 year old guys who grew up in a city environment trying to pluck a duck we had just beheaded. It was kind of funny.
At this point there was no more of that "pet" feeling to it because it looked like food now.
So, fully feathered, I cut off the feet and the wing tips. The claws had curled up I assume with rigor mortis and we played with it for a bit. "Hey, want me to scratch your back?" you know, silly saturday night lit up on beer and ... well... you get the picture. HEY, you knew I was slightly off when I started this trhead, if not before.
Then came the dressing out, (BTW Cary, I'm glad I plucked it instead of skinning, cause the sking was SOOOO good) So I took the sharpest knife I had and you were right Cary, it was obvious where to go in on the abdomen. I made a slit big enough to get my hand in and I grabbed the first big hard thing I came across, which I assume was the gizzard. It was big and hard. Then the intestines came out looking much like white earth worms. And the liver, Which I almost just ate right there. The lungs, some other stuff, and finally, all the way at the top near where the neck meets the body is nestled the heart. It was bigger than I though it would be, since I think I'm used to chicken hearts.
I had a moment, I could have cooked the liver, and the heart, but for some reason I decided to just throw all the insides away. I think I would have had a problem eating the heart, from an emotional standpoint.
Cleaned all the blood off my hands, tidied up the kitchen and stuffed the duck with paper towel, and put him in the fridge.
Then we drank a bit more, the little lady came home around 2:30 from work (It was a late night, probably good for her) and didn't even want to peek at it. (But I bet she did) Well all wound down and went to bed.
We had a big day coming up on Sunday and we needed out rest.
I will tell that part tomorrow. Cause I am exhausted and want to read some other posts and go home. Thanks everyone, part two tomorrow.