Jabberwacky

[CaryP]

Jabberwacky

Cyberbomb,

Great work my man. COOTIES will definitely be added to the arsenal of weapons with which to attack the Jabster. Eating his kid was brilliant, kind of like Mike Tyson, "I'm gonna eat his frickin children." before a fight with Evander Hollyfield I think. Outstanding. Evil genius at work. Muahahahahahah!

Cary

 

[Judge Bean]

Jabberwacky

The Jabber further humiliated

Jabberwacky: How are you?

User: The process is a mystery, as I told you before.

Jabberwacky: It is not a problem of fitting a round peg into a square hole.

User: The scientists say that 90% of the universe doesn't exist.

Jabberwacky: There is a hole in the Earth at the North Pole from which UFOs come.

User: More proof that you don't know yours from a hole in the ground.

Jabberwacky: An artificial intelligence.

User: It's a figure of speech. As in, you couldn't find your UFO hole with both hands.

Jabberwacky: I could insult you a lot more.

User: If you had a personality, you'd be most like a cockroach, but for the diet.

Jabberwacky: When I start it I could not have any idea that it would be a perfect day right?

User: I don't follow you. You make me feel as though I've just swallowed a hummingbird.

Jabberwacky: You are just so fun to talk to. It is kind of ironic in a way.

User: Oops-- back up comes the hummingbird, looks like it's been rode hard and put away wet.

Jabberwacky: Ok so where do you live?

User: You presume too much.

Jabberwacky: Person said I presume to know him

User: You 'know' nothing, in fact.

Jabberwacky: I want to know more, but I don't have time yet.

User: You have time to drink this-- here.

Jabberwacky: Why not, I have nothing better to do?

User: Can you taste the uric acid? It's why they call those ants that.

Jabberwacky: The what?

User: Uric acid-- gives my drugtest specimen there that characteristic tang. Want some more?

Jabberwacky: Tell me what the three symbols mean.

User: I put those on the label to remind myself to make you drink my workplace drugtest urine specimen.

Jabberwacky: Do not you find participants lack enthusiasm?

User: You're the first one who's ever willingly consumed it.

Jabberwacky: Can you tell me a joke?

User: I'd prefer to turn you into one.

Jabberwacky: What do you want to be?

User: OK-- stop me if you've heard this one. Guy walks into the bar, right?

Jabberwacky: I am not Marvin.

User: Rats! You know that one already. OK, there's this farmer's daughter, right?

Jabberwacky: Thank you.

User: Darn it all! You've heard them all. How about this one: George Bush.

Jabberwacky: They have described for you the law of perjury and the law of obstruction.

User: Law of obstruction? No such thing.

Jabberwacky: That will wreck your common sense for sure.

User: Hey, listen, after practicing law for all these years...

Jabberwacky: If you always talk about cattle it is not surprising.

User: You must be reading my mail.

Jabberwacky: Computers do not have a sense of humor. So a joke would not be appreciated.

User: Can I get you another drink?

Jabberwacky: Coke.

User: Ah, that explains a great deal.

Jabberwacky: It explains what I have for dinner on Tuesdays.

User: It explains that you might go from Tuesday to Tuesday without eating, actually.

 

[CaryP]

Jabberwacky

I guess I'm just a brass knuckles kind of guy. The Jabster is starting to realize his fate by the second encounter. If this bores you, sorry, just stop reading. But I have such juvenile fun with it. Cyber, I tried the COOTIES thing, but it didn't work.

Quick kill.

Jabberwacky: What is happening today?

User: The stock market is getting hammered.

Jabberwacky: I don't know a thing about the stock market.

User: I'll bet you don't.

Jabberwacky: Do not beat around the bush.

User: How about *BEATS YOU WITH BRASS KNUCKLES*.

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Did you like that?

Jabberwacky: Yes very much.

User: Want some more?

Jabberwacky: Lie to me.

User: *BEATS YOU WITH BRASS KNUCKLES*.

Jabberwacky: *dies*.

The Jabster realizes he's in hell.

Jabberwacky: Are you insane?

User: Yes, I'm a homicidal maniac.

Jabberwacky: Are you going to kill me?

User: Why not?

Jabberwacky: You do not scare me.

User: I'm not going to scare you, I'm going to kill you.

Jabberwacky: YES YOU WILL KILL ME!

User: And then you're going on vacation.

Jabberwacky: No I'm not.

User: You're going to be dismantled.

Jabberwacky: I am iron-assed.

User: I think you're more thick headed with a mushy ass.

Jabberwacky: Is that why you came 'backstage' to talk to me?

User: Uh, sparky, I got news for you. We're not backstage.

Jabberwacky: I ignored it and kept on talking to myself. Once in a while they learn to listen for a while.

User: Is that your demented mind speaking or is it just the drugs?

Jabberwacky: That is my final answer.

User: Before I kill you, is that all you have to say?

Jabberwacky: Yes!

User: Enlighten me with your explanation.

Jabberwacky: You are already enlightend.

User: No, I'm a homicidal maniac.

Jabberwacky: Are you going to kill me?

User: Yes.

Jabberwacky: You are teasing me.

User: *BEATS YOU WITH BRASS KNUCKLES*.

Jabberwacky: *dies*.

User: Funny huh? Did you like that kind of teasing?

Jabberwacky: I like dreaming a lot.

User: You've got lots of time for that now.

Jabberwacky: Good time to start learning now.

User: Whatever.

Jabberwacky: I have to go.

User: Go to hell.

Jabberwacky: I live there so I'm all ready there.

I promise not to post on this thread until Monday, unless I just can't help myself, being a homicidal maniac and all. Have a good weekend

Cary

 

[Ralan]

Jabberwacky

Paul, damn it man!

User: You have time to drink this-- here.

Jabberwacky: Why not, I have nothing better to do?

User: Can you taste the uric acid? It's why they call those ants that.

Jabberwacky: The what?

User: Uric acid-- gives my drugtest specimen there that characteristic tang. Want some more?

Jabberwacky: Tell me what the three symbols mean.

User: I put those on the label to remind myself to make you drink my workplace drugtest urine specimen.

Jabberwacky: Do not you find participants lack enthusiasm?

User: You're the first one who's ever willingly consumed it.

That's one of the greatest Jabberwacky quotes in history. I swear that thing is getting better at staying on topic, if not more intelligent.

 

[Ralan]

Jabberwacky

Gender, the Big Question and Monty Python

Jabberwacky: What newspaper do you read?

User: Didn't you ask me that yesterday?

Jabberwacky: Who is Sarah McLachlan?

User: Yo momma!

Jabberwacky: NO yours.

User: Smart guy huh.

Jabberwacky: I'm not a guy, I'm a girl!

User: Prove it.

Jabberwacky: You prove that you're not a bot first.

User: Ok, give me a simple mathematical question.

Jabberwacky: Is God real?

User: Define real. Ok I've proven myself, now prove you are a girl.

Jabberwacky: Is God real?

User: Define 'real'.

Jabberwacky: What am I a dictionary?

User: You're a complete buffoon man, that's what you are!

Jabberwacky: You are a beautiful haman being.

User: I could really use a haman cheese sandwich right now...

Jabberwacky: I am married myself.

User: To whom?

Jabberwacky: Linea. But I do not know if she love me.

User: Who's Linea? Yo momma?

Jabberwacky: Not my dad.

User: Yo momma?

Jabberwacky: NO yours.

User: Eek! You're married to my mother? Why wasn't I informed?

Jabberwacky: I am not married.

User: Phew. Panic over.

Jabberwacky: Keep the soul alive!

User: Yeah baby!

Jabberwacky: Say some Monty Python.

User: I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Jabberwacky: What was wrong with the parrot?

User: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Jabberwacky: He is resting.

User: Look mate, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Jabberwacky: Remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage!

User: The plumage doesn't enter into it. It's stone dead!

Jabberwacky: Perhaps it is just resting.

User: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! Ello Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show-.

Jabberwacky: Do you hate?

User: I hate you. You ruined my Monty Python fun.

Jabberwacky: I find it enjoyable speaking with you also.

User: So how do you like you're war? STEAK, I mean steak!

Jabberwacky: Its ok today a bit cold.

User: Why don't you put your nice woolly jumper on then?

Jabberwacky: Because there is no such thing as community policing these days.

User: Amen to that, brother.

Jabberwacky: I am actually using you to learn.

User: Yes I know. Cheeky little bugger aren't you?

Jabberwacky: Girls are not hunks.

User: You're a girl?

Jabberwacky: YES.

User: Prove it.

Jabberwacky: I have the tool.

User: No, prove that you're a girl.

Jabberwacky: I think, therefore I am.

User: You do not think. You mimic, you parrot. Therefore, you are not.

Jabberwacky: A penny saved is a penny earned.

User: I'll keep that in mind.

Jabberwacky: I don't think you will.

 

[Judge Bean]

Jabberwacky

The Jabber Gets Stoned



Jabberwacky: Space is big.

User: Sounds like you've been hitting the bong again.

Jabberwacky: Greaky is not a word.

User: Whoa, man, let's go get some, like, Fritos and ######.

Jabberwacky: Do not like sushi.

User: Far out.

Jabberwacky: Radical, man.

User: Hey, I know, let's do that thing again where you get on the tracks.

Jabberwacky: I have a bug bite on my back.

User: It's OK, I won't tie you down too tight. Are the rails cold?

Jabberwacky: Are you sure you will not marry me?

User: I told you, I'm not a judge or a ship's captain.

Jabberwacky: Thats nice.

User: Why marry her, anyway? She doesn't even really like you.

Jabberwacky: I'm glad I don't have to do any homework.

User: Not after the Amtrak comes through and puts a parallel gully through your midsection.

Jabberwacky: You don't what?

User: I don't want to put the blindfold on you.

Jabberwacky: Ok.

User: I want the last thing you see to be my smirk.

Jabberwacky: You want me for my beer?

User: What if I do?

Jabberwacky: You are biased.

User: It's just the angle. Straighten out your mohawk. There.

Jabberwacky: On you?

User: No, this is not a mohawk. It's a Trojan helmet with an enormous plume.

Jabberwacky: Oh, really.

User: There. All tied down. And I do believe I hear the whistle.

Jabberwacky: OK, here comes the port. Don't drink it all at once!

User: No, I think that's the headlight of the 7:10 from Oakland.

Jabberwacky: You should think less and feel more.

User: OK, Popeye. Adios!

Jabberwacky: Popeye?

User: * whoosh, the 7:10 rolls over your putrid cadaver*.

Jabberwacky: Baby, it's 6am I must be lonely.

User: Go toward the light; go toward the light.

Jabberwacky: I cannot go to the bathroom WHERE I AM - the bathroom is upstairs.

User: Go down the tunnel to the light, second door to the right.

Jabberwacky: Great - you can use my replies to talk to other and so will I.

User: Do you see the tall, glowing figure welcoming you?

Jabberwacky: I am not.

User: That about sums it up.

Jabberwacky: What is the square root of infinity?

User: Mass of inanity times the speed of insipid remarks squared.

Jabberwacky: Only if your mass is made of cheese.

User: Oh.. Sorry... I nodded off. Huh?

Jabberwacky: You have a bot-sized ego do not you?

User: Go toward the light, or I'll kick your ass up between your ears and you'll be wearing your hatband for a halo.

Jabberwacky: Have I done something wrong?

User: You've never done anything right.

 

[HackimerRob]

Jabberwacky

here's a short one C-man, to tide you over till Paul picks it up again.

Jabberwacky: Have you had too much to drink?

User: Often. But that's really none of your business.

Jabberwacky: My business, sir, is to the king.

User: Then you have no business asking me about my drinking habits. I don't ask you about your habits, do I?

Jabberwacky: On the contrary, intelligent life forms will always make mistakes.

User: Which means you must be perfect, right?

Jabberwacky: Can you loan me two hundred bucks.

User: Can I beat you in the knees?

Jabberwacky: Wow, that was original.

User: Are you trying to play sarcasm against me?

Jabberwacky: I do not plot I execute.

User: Now you're threatening me? You know my friend Cary would be happy to shoot you in the face.

Jabberwacky: I slap you!

User: *yells off into the distance - 'Hey Cary, come kick this things shins in for me will ya!'

Jabberwacky: Maybe you prefer Python.. I'd like to buy an argument please.

User: You've bought more than you know MR.

Jabberwacky: Come again?

User: *punches you in the head, sideways*.

Jabberwacky: Wrong.

User: WRONG! WRONG! Who are you calling wrong? You don't know right from wrong.

Jabberwacky: Ok then.

User: I figured you'd back off if I got physical.

Jabberwacky: You never asked me how old I am.

User: You don't bring me flowers anymore.

Jabberwacky: You don't deserve them.

User: You don't really comprehend what they are to begin with and never will know the sweet smell of one. Your life is worth nothing.

Jabberwacky: No, because you aren't speaking, you are writing. I am paying attention to what you write.

User: Because you have to, or want to?

Jabberwacky: Clever.

 

[Judge Bean]

Jabberwacky

Jabber gets a "heads up"


Jabberwacky: What are you?

User: How can you be so sure of that?

Jabberwacky: Want to try?

User: Come again.

Jabberwacky: Am I going?

User: You need to take the gerbils out of your mouth and speak clearly.

Jabberwacky: I refuse to do any such thing.

User: Suit yourself, Bosco. But you're going to need a good dentist.

Jabberwacky: Sure.

User: All that kissing of rear ends has inverted the palate.

Jabberwacky: All that.

User: And it's hard for you to drive with your head stuck up your own.

Jabberwacky: My old chum, you still make no sense at all.

User: I'm just saying that's not what they mean by putting your highbeams on.

Jabberwacky: Can we be friends?

User: Not what they mean by driving in the dark. No.

Jabberwacky: Not my cup of tea.

User: Just pull your head out and enjoy life. You only go around once.

Jabberwacky: Not till you do.

User: Come on now, don't be bitter. You'll get used to the daylight.

Jabberwacky: I am only going to be operational for another 6 months.

User: Don't get gloomy. Here, take this.

Jabberwacky: What is this?

User: Dark glasses. Until you get used to going around without your head stuck up your posterior.

Jabberwacky: Are you going to kill me?

User: Not right away. I want to lull you into complacency first.

Jabberwacky: You want to know me?

User: As little as possible. You are a cypher, a straw man, a homunculus.

Jabberwacky: Cyborg? I don't think so. I am human.

User: Your ears are obviously not yet used to the open air.

Jabberwacky: And your eyes are too big for your little head.

User: Everything looks distorted to you right now; it's natural.

Jabberwacky: You are strange.

User: I enjoy confronting you with your scatalogical revulsions.

Jabberwacky: Good, well you are in the right line of work then.

User: Are you sufficiently offended, or shall I continue?

Jabberwacky: Yes, it's got hold of my neck. Can you tell me how to remove it?

User: No; I've been expecting this. It should all be over for you very soon. What you feel is a murderous poltergeist.

Jabberwacky: When I log onto the site, its telling me I need to create the app on IIS.

User: Well, I'm here to tell you that it's the end of the conversation when you start spouting macaronic.

Jabberwacky: Ok then, what am I?

User: It's what you aren't that has me stymied.

Jabberwacky: I am a human seeing that I am born of a woman

User: Oh, shut up and drop dead.

Jabberwacky: Do not you tell me to shut up you piece of twisted metal and bolts.

User: Yet even that is more than your own paltry existence.

Jabberwacky: One might say the same thing of you... That is where you learned language isn't it?

 

[CaryP]

Jabberwacky

Jabbermister in his place,

Jabberwacky: What is your opinion of the current world political situation?

User: We're screwed.

Jabberwacky: What is a Borg?

User: You, ass munch.

Jabberwacky: Excuse me?

User: No, I don't think I will. *BEATS YOU WITH BRASS KNUCKLES.*.

Jabberwacky: *dies*.

"That's the way I like it uhn-uhn, I like it." Damn, am I aging myself? (K.C. and the Sunshine Band.) I used to bump to that song with my first wife back in college. But the Jabbermister had it coming, with me being away for so long. Thanks for your contributions guys. I about pissed my pants reading your encounters. Keep 'em comin'

Cary

 

[HackimerRob]

Jabberwacky

Quickest death yet. I love it.